Friday, April 27, 2012

No Regrets

This morning while doing the dishes, a random song came on Pandora with a lyric that went something like....

"Are you living the life you wished or are you living in the past filled with regret?"

I've often thought that regret is a lot like guilt...pointless.  If you're letting either one dominate your space, your energy, your soul...well, then you're toast....paralyzed for no good reason.

I believe (even when it's been hard to discern the purpose) that we're exactly where we're supposed to be at all times hopefully, learning and growing on our own journeys, sharing in them with those we love.

But from time to time, I struggle with guilt and feeling that I should be doing more or differently in my life.  And I do have a few regrets mostly because I know that my selfish actions were hurtful to others. 

So, it caught me off guard when my seven year old son, Sam said to me, "Did you always know that you would be my mama?" To which I replied, "Well, I always hoped I would be a mama and when God gave you to me, I was over the moon happy." 

But the truth is, I always thought that I'd be working in Chicago, San Francisco or New York.  I thought that I'd be an attorney doing advocacy work focused on serving those without a voice and traveling every chance I could get. 

I never thought that I'd live in a small house in Omaha, Nebraska caring for three little ones while my husband brought home the bacon. 

Every now and again, I get a twinge wondering what that girl would have been like, who her friends would be, if she would have married, and whether she would have been happy.  Who knows?

Do you ever wonder who you'd be if you weren't where you are right now?  It's a silly, hypothetical internal conversation...but hopefully one that ends with...but I'm glad that I'm right where I am.  No regrets.

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