Monday, April 16, 2012

Friends with Your Ex?

If you ask someone if they are friends with their former boyfriend or girlfriend, wife or husband,  you'll get a wide range of responses.

Everything from an eye roll accompanied by a "hell no," to a "we rarely, if ever, bump into each other," to a "yeah, sure, we're cool...he's got a great wife."

My parents divorced when I was four years old and my dad married our neighbor.  Suffice it to say that my parents have never been friends and for a long time struggled to be civil.  So, I've never really had a model for what being friends with your former partner looks like.

When I've asked other people if they've been successful at carrying on a friendship with their former fill in the blanks, most say that it's impossible because of the history (insert intimacy/sex).

But why is that?  If timing has anything to do with it...and most of the time it seems fair that you wouldn't be capable of a friendship immediately following a break up.  It's too painful.  Emotions are raw.  The dream you had is gone and the life you thought that would be is different.

After time has passed and particularly when both people have new, permanent people in their it possible to strike up a friendship?  Do you have anything in common anymore?  Might you be better friends than life partners?  Do you care to share your life and learn about the details of theirs?

I'm sure that it also has to do with the emotional maturity of both people and the comfort level of their new partners. 

And if you asked my parents, they would say that I'm barking up the wrong tree.  That no one in their right mind can really be friends...there's usually an ulterior motive.

There have been plenty of movies, articles written, talk shows done and conversations had about the age old topic...I think I'm just an idiot or naive for thinking that its possible.  Thoughts?


  1. My initial thought is, "no." Either I don't want to be friends with them cuz they are big, stupid jerks, or I don't want to be friends with them cuz it's too hard to maintain just a friendship with someone I cared about that much, but that I'm not with anymore.
    I'm all for being friends with my current's ex, though! ;)

  2. Amen, sister! You are by far and away the best friend that a girl could ask for. I lucked out!


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