Tomorrow starts week 8 of marathon training.
In the short time that I've been at it, I've run 121 miles and still have 277 more to go before race day.
Last week, I was forced to do a 12-mile long run on the treadmill because the streets/sidewalks were still coated in snow and ice and I thought I was going to lose my shit, literally...what a miserable, God awful experience. So, this week, I was elated when my feet hit the pavement for a 14-miler.
The sunshine, fresh air, trees, and wind made me feel alive and hopeful.
I've never run farther than 14 miles, so everything from here on out is uncharted territory. I'm staring down mid-week mileage of 15-20 miles followed by a 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, or 20 mile long run on the weekend.
I'm not going to lie. I'm having a crisis of faith. It's not easy to put one foot in front of the other over and over again and to tell yourself that you've got this. The demons are powerful.
And so, because I run solo, I rely heavily on my playlist to lift me up and pull me through. I usually like fast paced, explicit lyrical tunes that make me feel like a bad ass...but now that I find myself running for hours at a time, I've turned to different music...numbers that incorporate lyrics that I can call my own.
I've loved Sara Bareilles for a long time. She has a song that is clearly a love letter to another called, "I Choose You." I listened to it and thought it had a sweet melody...and then, I really listened to it and thought...what if it means me choosing me.
Dedicating the amount of time and energy it takes to train for a marathon (particularly in the winter months) with three kiddos is not an easy deal. Choosing not to hit the snooze button, paying attention to my nutrition, icing my body, and in general, getting out the door takes well, a level of commitment that is more than I think I bargained for.
And so, it has to be a choice.
A conscious decision to choose me. To stand firm in the decision that I've made to work toward this dream. I can care take for all of the remaining hours of the day...but for the few that are required to lace up my shoes and go, I have to, have to choose me.
And in doing so, I ultimately choose my family and friends. I am available to give the best of me, even if I'm dead ass tired in a pair of yoga pants with my hair pulled back....my confidence is restored, my ya yas are out, my mojo is back and I'm me.
And so, I leave you with a little Sara Bareilles and the idea that in life, before all else, you've got to choose you.