I don't want to keep doing this.
What do you mean? This is our life. It can't be fireworks and roller coasters all the time. Plus, you say that you want spontaneity...but you end up ordering the same meal over and over again.
What are you talking about? This isn't about food...I'm talking about us.
I know...but you don't just throw ten plus years of 'us' away...because you're bored.
Over the last month, I've heard versions of this conversation from a few of my friends...places that they find themselves in...or spots that their family members are working through.
God, it's hard. The truth is that at many points in both marriage and parenthood, you are just going through the motions. Trying to do your best, trying to hold down the fort, trying to make sure that everyone has what they need.
And then, somewhere along the way, primarily out of necessity, you lose pieces of you. And that's okay. It's kind of what you signed up for. Marital unions dictate that the two shall become one and sometimes, you trade your innermost longings for security/stability. And of course, the minute that your newborn baby enters the world....your life is absolutely and unequivocally not the same. You willingly sacrifice sleep, money, time, energy and endless amounts of peace for unconditional love.
And one day, you look up.
And you ask yourself, am I just going through the motions? And if the answer is yes.
You ask yourself another question. Is that okay? For now? Is my partner doing the same for the greater good of the whole?
Or are we both in a rut? Do we need to rediscover parts of ourselves to better contribute to the collective?
Or is the collective broken? Irreparable?
Everyone finds themselves in different spots. But when I feel like I'm simply going through the motions, I need to acknowledge why and then determine whether its healthy or not...especially when I've grown comfortable, lazy, and even apathetic.
Life is meant to be lived in joy. The joyful can be found in the mundane and in the rote and in the ritual....but its often not found in those who are coasting expecting it to simply sustain on its own.
If it makes you feel any better, single people go through the same thing.
ReplyDeleteWe're faced with the everyday, mundane, go to work, come home, empty house-no one to appreciate or care about what we're working so hard for.... talk about tedium!
Then you start to think,"Well, I need to make sure I'm living for others, not just me - because serving myself is unrewarding." So you serve on 4 different ministries at church and look for ways to volunteer in your community - and you're STILL not touching any lives - at least not in any way that gets back to you.
That's why I always say, people who leave their marriages because they're bored, or unsatisfied or it's mundane--- soon find themselves in another relationship with all the same problems.
You may be waiting for all the kids to be in school, or to start your second career -- but there's someone else out there pushing through the mundane hoping for the day they come home to find someone else waiting for them.