I don't want to keep doing this.
What do you mean? This is our life. It can't be fireworks and roller coasters all the time. Plus, you say that you want spontaneity...but you end up ordering the same meal over and over again.
What are you talking about? This isn't about food...I'm talking about us.
I know...but you don't just throw ten plus years of 'us' away...because you're bored.
Over the last month, I've heard versions of this conversation from a few of my friends...places that they find themselves in...or spots that their family members are working through.
God, it's hard. The truth is that at many points in both marriage and parenthood, you are just going through the motions. Trying to do your best, trying to hold down the fort, trying to make sure that everyone has what they need.
And then, somewhere along the way, primarily out of necessity, you lose pieces of you. And that's okay. It's kind of what you signed up for. Marital unions dictate that the two shall become one and sometimes, you trade your innermost longings for security/stability. And of course, the minute that your newborn baby enters the world....your life is absolutely and unequivocally not the same. You willingly sacrifice sleep, money, time, energy and endless amounts of peace for unconditional love.
And one day, you look up.
And you ask yourself, am I just going through the motions? And if the answer is yes.
You ask yourself another question. Is that okay? For now? Is my partner doing the same for the greater good of the whole?
Or are we both in a rut? Do we need to rediscover parts of ourselves to better contribute to the collective?
Or is the collective broken? Irreparable?
Everyone finds themselves in different spots. But when I feel like I'm simply going through the motions, I need to acknowledge why and then determine whether its healthy or not...especially when I've grown comfortable, lazy, and even apathetic.
Life is meant to be lived in joy. The joyful can be found in the mundane and in the rote and in the ritual....but its often not found in those who are coasting expecting it to simply sustain on its own.