I know all of the mantras.
Don't wish this time away.
Before you blink, they'll be grown and gone.
The days are long, the years are short.
You can't imagine it now, but you're gonna miss it...best time of my life.
And yet, this morning as I was rushing around to get it all done, I slowed for a moment and remembered...
Fork, knife, spoon, coffee mug, juice glass, water bottle, towels in dryer, whites in the washer, jammies in the pajama drawer, toothbrushes in their holders, pull the covers up, throw the pillows on, pull out of the driveway tuning her favorite CD, kiss her, leave a note in her mailbox, grocery store, apples, can't forget the toilet paper, Target, why am I here at least twice a week?, gas station, why do these birds keep shitting on the car?, bank, deposit jewelry money, meeting at church, back to the preschool, oh my God...I'm not drinking enough water for the race tomorrow, shit...what if I get lost on the course?, and now she's whining, uh oh, she feels warm, oh no, no fevers before tomorrow, back to the house, boil water for the macaroni and cheese, construction paper on the table, oil pastels, you spell it...C...L...A...I...R...E., shit, I forgot to pull his work shirt out of the dryer, have to call back the dentist, she needs to get that tooth pulled, why won't they let us wear headphones on the course?, can I run the whole time without music?, is his jersey clean for the football game tomorrow? damn, macaroni and cheese boiling over...
This is about 3.5 hours of my morning. I know, you're glad you're not me.
I live in my head a lot. Remembering, planning, strategizing, organizing, keeping track, praying, hoping, being grateful.
And while I trust that this time is sacred, it is also incredibly exhausting and full, very, very full.
I'm certain that many other women do it better. They have systems in place. They're creative. They're organized. Or, they just don't give a shit.
I'm in the space of trying to be appreciative while simultaneously being butt ass tired.
So, it's hard to not want this time to pass because I really do look forward to space, time to think, the idea of being alone, and a bit more sufficiency from my littles.
But as I look at them and listen to them, I am mindful that this is the great adventure, exhausting as it may be.