Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Showing Up is Half...

Lately, during my not-so grace filled moments, I find myself saying things like...

"I didn't sign up for this," or

"How did we find ourselves in this spot?," or some version of

"I'm done,"

"I've had it,"

"Enough is enough," or my children's personal favorite:

"Peace out,"  (with a modified bitches at the end of that phrase if I'm sans the kiddos).

And then, I feel deflated, frustrated, apathetic, angry, and almost always sad.  That's when I find my way back to hope and the belief that it can and it will be matter what the situation whether it revolves around my children, my marriage, my finances, my jewelry business, my running, my writing, my constant mess of an abode, my incessant monotonous washing of the laundry, cleaning of the toilets, monitoring of the homework, or chauffeuring of the littles, you name always gets better, or it doesn't, but I adjust my attitude and miraculously, it's okay.

When I was in college and my 20's, I remember thinking that when stress emerged, I could just curl into a ball, feel sorry for myself, withdraw and not engage.  It usually alleviated the pain temporarily, but invariably put me in a worse position as I had to apologize for my absence, make up my portion of the work, and figure out how to creatively begin again.

It's only been post having kids that I've realized that showing up is really more than half the battle.  And I mean showing up as you are...not perfectly, not prepared, not grateful, not motivated, and maybe only temporarily...but making a conscious choice to put the towels into the washing machine yet again or the dishes into the dishwasher or to meet a friend for a drink when you're beat up from the feet up or your husband in the bedroom when all you really want to do is sleep or winging at best your remarks in an office meeting.  Whatever it is, it's always better to show than to not.

At least that's what life's taught me...good things, in general, happen to those who leave the house.  Life happens when you make the decision to venture away from the sanctity of your comfort zone. You never know who else will choose to put on their big girl or big boy pants and meet you half way.  You never know what cool ideas may be cultivated or plans may emerge or who else you'll encounter that may look a little worse for the wear as well, but is choosing to make the effort too.

And so, when I stumbled upon this, I thought...even in my shittiest moments, it's always better to choose to try than to not.  Because really, at the end of the day, the world is begging you to come out and play...not the polished version of you, the real one.

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