This morning I ran eight miles.
Today was challenging. For whatever reason, eight miles has always been harder than nine or ten. And so I was mentally prepared, but then when it came to putting one foot in front of the other, I wasn't.
It started from the moment that I put my shorts on. Why do I have cellulite? How is it possible to run as much as I do and still have squishy parts all over? Well, maybe it's because you have a daily Starbucks habit and think that Dairy Queen should have a personal delivery service to your home.
And that's all it takes...one or two negative thoughts and the flood gates emerge and then, I'm sunk...until I decide that I'm not.
It's always been there though...for as long as I can remember...the yuck self talk. The need to always watch what I ate, to try the latest South Beach, Atkins, Insanity, all protein, no carbs, full fat, no fat, you name it diet/lifestyle change.
And for what? Really. Where does it get me? Mostly, back in the same spot feeling angry, insecure, frustrated or spiraling all over again.
My hunch is that I'm not the only woman who goes through this shit. It feels like it's stamped in our DNA when we're born and with us until we decide that we're enough on all fronts.
So, let me begin by saying this. Say, "Fuck You" to harboring the dark thoughts. They're most likely not true and even if there is a portion of legitimacy to them, they do not define who you are.
Secondly, accept the compliments that the world gives to you. You are beautiful. You are compelling. You are brilliant. You are worthy. Trust that you are deserving of love just because.
Thirdly, make a decision that you are enough just as you are. Right here. In this moment. Not 10 pounds from now. Not when you get the promotion. Not when the house is clean. Not when you get in to get your hair colored or your make-up put on. Or when you finally get around to fill in the blank.
Stop harboring the dark, negative thoughts that lie deep inside of you. They're toxic. They don't serve as positive motivation toward change. They just cycle through your system and paralyze you.
You're here for a reason. Your life has a purpose. Spend your time focused on that. And in the interim, I'll work on finding a way to love my legs in shorts. Hell, those shorts scored me eight miles today. I can't complain too much.