Love Upon Demand

Exhausted.

Beat up from the feet up.

So tired that my eye balls hurt...and my hip, can't forget the new war wound.  It must be that I get to test out pain in all parts of my body to determine that yes indeed, I want to be a runner, badly enough.

It also must mean that it's 4:00pm on a Friday afternoon that is cloudy, damp, and cool outside.

And then when I think about where the week went or better yet the day, I see her coat.  It's red velvet and little, really little, hanging out by her shoes, her pigtail holders, and the back pack that she's been carrying around pretending that she's a big girl like her older sister.

And, it's the revolving plate of cookies.  And the spelling test prep.  And the talk about flag football and the fire truck that came to visit school. "Do we have two escape plans in case of an emergency?" 

And it's the cub scout uniform crumpled up in the corner and the macaroni and cheese smooshed into the socks by the library book bag and the cobwebs that will not go away.

And it's "Mama...Mama...Mama...I'm here, hold me, love me, be available to me now or I'll explode."

And it's that feeling of wanting to curl up and be held by a force that will just take care of everything for you upon demand and your command that I get.  I really get it.  And it's not unreasonable.  It's just that somehow we grow out of expecting it because it's not reliable or organic to every situation.

But right now, in this moment, I say simultaneously...bath, wine, nap, sushi, chocolate, love, breath...immediately.