Ode to 51 Birthday Candles

 May 6, 2026

Happy, Happy 51st Birthday to Me!

As I write, I am mindful of the fact that I've likely lived more of my life than I have left of it which gives me pause.  Many years ago, when my first child was born, I remember watching Steve Jobs' commencement address to Stanford's Class of 2005.  In it, he said that death is the single best invention of life and that time is limited.  He also shared that while no one really wants to die, everyone-particularly recent college grads-should take time to listen to their intuition instead of their parents or the worlds' expectations, as it knows exactly why they were called to be here.

I remember taking this to heart when I started making unconventional choices like leaving my career post graduate school to stay at home and raise our children.  And again, when I decided to go back to the marketplace and start a mediation private practice. And again, when we decided to use our money for education and experiences which didn't add up on paper.

And so, particularly as my children grow and our oldest will graduate from college next year, it's a strange and marvelous place to be--wondering why I am meant to be here and what I have left to do.

One of the most freeing parts of aging-aside from the truly giving minimal fucks part-is the recognition that all of the minute things that seemed to carry so much weight really have no more bearing.  Getting worked up about a child's grade, a social event, a conversation with a family member, a car repair, decor for a party, etc. just doesn't matter.  And the reason it doesn't matter is because after so much lived experience, you finally understand what does--people, relationships, memories, promises, unconditional love, hope, commitment, connection.  And after seeing people that I love die and watching the aftermath of the lives of those left, I realize that all of this is short--and when we miraculously wake up each morning--it should be in gratitude.

When the astronauts from the Artemis II mission came back to Earth, they shared that everything out there in the universe is so black except for the oasis of the planet that we live on--and that the one binding truth is that we are all living, breathing human beings who elementally are the same. And because when we're born, no one tells us how many days we get to be here--we mistakenly think that it's forever-but it's not.

Steve Jobs died at the age of 56. People who I love have died younger. And so recognizing that time is of the essence, the big questions I'm wrestling with are what to do with my hands, feet, heart and mind now that I'm no longer mothering in the way I used to.  How to serve and love others in the ways that I have been so kindly the recipient of?  What to leave behind and how to use my time and gifts well?

I hope that in this 51st year, I can continue to shed the worry and doubt that often keep me from plunging into the things and relationships that matter most.  I pray that I will trust in my purpose for being here and that I won't squander the gift of life.  I yearn to use my written words to foster hope and connection.  I want to keep serving as a bridge for people in conflict helping them to see a different way.  I am excited to celebrate milestones with my children and to continue conversations about life's big questions. And, while I climb a mountain every day, I am infinitely grateful to share base camp with my husband--my partner--my love--as I work to leave something meaningful behind.

Here's to the beginning of a new year and a deep dive into the 50's--I hear it's a really beautiful place to be.

All my love,

Me