Ode to 22 Years of Marriage

 April 17, 2026

My Dearest Ray,

Happy Twenty Two Years of Marriage!

Let me begin by saying I'm sorry that this ode is a belated one--but maybe, apropos given our life station.

How do I begin to share a snapshot of where we find ourselves 22-years into our union--to begin, our 21-year old son is in Malaga, Spain on holiday from his study abroad semester in Copenhagen.  Our 18-year old daughter is finalizing her first year of college having completed multiple theater productions and our 15-year old daughter just got her Learner's Permit and is saving to do a service trip to the Dominican Republic. Meanwhile, you have never been busier with clients and I am still a divorce mediator teaching at Creighton.  

And somehow, we still find each other--in multiple daily written and voice to audio texts, on long walks through Elmwood Park, at the espresso machine groggy in the kitchen, coming and going while exchanging logistical updates and kisses at the front door, and in countless shared articles, podcast interviews, and memes remarking on the dismissal state of U.S. leadership or lack thereof and inspiring messaging from the Pope, bravery of the Artemis astronauts, and  goodness of people we know.

We have curated a really beautiful life that I am deeply grateful for.  

To be honest, I can hardly believe that in a few short years, I will have spent more of my life with you than without you.  And in that time, you have taught me so much about what it means not only to be a good partner, friend, and co-parent, but also, a really great human being.

And when I reflect, I'm mindful of three primary ways you model unconditional love for me.  First, you are fully the fuck in it.  You listen to my fears, my crazy writing/speaking dreams, my insecurities, my over the board, 'what if's?' and you greet them usually with a big bear hug, an offer to make my favorite coffee/tea drink, a hunkering down in the seat next me, and full eye contact as I go on and on likely about something you've heard many times before.  Then, you wait until I'm done and ask what I'd like in the moment--most of the time I say--to know that it will be okay--and you calmly say--look at our life and all of the ways that it has all been more than okay.

Second up, you have boundless energy for our family.  Whatever we need or want to explore--you make it happen--including a magical dream trip this spring to Europe to see our son in Copenhagen, a Michelin star dinner because it was his dream, a trip to London's West End and tour of the Globe because it was the girls' dream, and endless trips to patisseries, cafes, and the hunt for the perfect scarf because it was my dream. You always remind us that life is for the living and that we should do the thing that our heart is yearning for and that often, the first step is just putting one foot in front of the other--making the telephone call, sending the email, creating a game plan, trusting that we can course correct when needed and that it's more about the trying imperfectly than the landing.  And to that end, you have more optimism and consistency than anyone I've known; and I'm thankful that you frequently let me borrow it when I'm scared to jump into the unknown.

Finally, you are not interested in what the world says is or is not possible or what the latest fad is--you are grounded in yourself, your values, and your deep commitment to your faith and your family--and because of that I always (and I know the kids feel the same) am your priority and I never have to prove my worthiness.  You love me for me and encourage me to be more and more of me with each passing year--and this kind of love frees me and us to grow and change in the world and to greet each other at the beginning and end of our day's journey.

As we enter into this twenty-third year, may we embark upon fun and adventure together believing that as the kids graduate from college and head into the world for their own adventures, we have cultivated a durable, sustainable, beautiful love that keeps us grounded in our commitment so that we can pursue our individual dreams. May we find ourselves on many walks, drinking delicious espresso drinks, discussing incredible movies/books/interviews, sharing countless motivational family group chats, exploring new spaces, ranting over political ridiculousness, praying for peace, serving our community, and remembering that this life we've built is a good one.

What a gift you are to me.   

All my Love,

Kelly