Monday, July 27, 2015

Sound of Silence

I like to proclaim that my life is loud and busy and frenetic and stretched and beautiful and complicated and tiring and messy...but the truth is, sometimes, I pick it...even when I could be quiet.

There are moments when zoning into the tasks of sorting laundry, chopping vegetables, watering the lawn, picking weeds, organizing desk drawers and creating grocery lists feels safer than being absent of the "busy."

And so it was tonight as my husband was working late and I'd spent several hours at the zoo with my kiddos combined with a play date that I found it fitting that this song came on my playlist as I was making dinner.

I'm mindful that I like to be very active.  I enjoy crossing things off my list.  It makes me feel like I have a sense of control, even though most of the time, I'm the least controlled person I know.

And so the quiet, particularly, the still are next to impossible for me.  I've been invited several times to meditation sessions and encouraged to try out a meditation app and I just can't get myself to do it.  A Tai Chi class nearly made me lose my marbles and yet, yoga feels like bliss...the perfect blend of vigorous activity coupled with intense, deep breathing.

But the silence?  Eeh gads.  Most of the time, I'm going, going, going with very little time or opportunity to reflect and I chalk it up to the life stage of my children...but now that they're getting bigger, there are periods of extended time to be quiet...and I still find it hard to choose them...unless it involves deep sleep.

Are you good at it?  Do you crave it?  Do you carve out time in your daily commute or before the sun rises or in the late hours when the moon's up and your loved ones are in bed?  Does it feel rejuvenating?  Does it give you space to ruminate on your desires, your hopes, your fears?  Or sometimes, does it scare you and make you mindful of those things that you don't want to take up head space?  I'm sure it's a mixed bag.

I need to get better at simply being appreciative of the sound of silence.

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