Monday, December 8, 2014

Watch Me

Last week, I lost my job.

Not the one as wife or mother or friend or daughter or sister or neighbor or community member...

No, the job that paid me both money and a connection to amazing women.

When my second child, Kate was born, my husband and I made a decision that I would try staying at home.  A one-year "give-it-a-go" has turned into seven and a half of crazy blessings in the making.  Two months into our decision, I had an opportunity to join a direct sales company and sell jewelry.  It got me out of the house a few nights a month, put a little jingle in my pocket, earned me some trips and gave me time without my children to engage with other women over wine and sparkles.  I loved every minute of it.

And then, we got notice that our company was closing in 30 days.

It was a shock.

And since that time, I've been praying and researching.  Looking for the next step.

I have some constraints.  My youngest daughter, Claire still has a year and half before she starts kindergarten and I'm resolute that I'll be home with her until she goes.

Mostly, I've been praying for a gentle really, more of a swift kick in the pants as to which direction I should go.  The problem is that often I have a hard time choosing my path unless a million and one family members and friends point me toward that fork in the road.

It's the part of me that I wish I could change.  The insecure component that wants to choose the route that the majority of people are vying for.  I guess...the path of least resistance.  And sometimes in life, that's for the best.  It makes sense to take the main stream approach recognizing that it's a short-term decision made in the interim for the benefit of the situation at hand.

But in spite of that, I've been praying that God would gift me with a deep, passionate desire to move in a specific direction that wouldn't be the easiest, most convenient or popular compelling me to move forward regardless of what the world thinks.

So when I found this quote, I latched on...

For the first time in a long time, I want to find something, even if its temporary, that works for me even if the world thinks its ridiculous.

I'm dabbling with the idea of pole dancer, circus performer, avante garde Swedish meatball maker, who knows...the possibilities are endless.

Wherever I land, I know it will be good.  And in a way, I'm very glad that I'm starting a new year on the precipice of change.  It makes it all the more exciting.

Here's to jumping...even if everyone thinks I'm crazy.

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