The Beauty of Being "All In"

We walked into the church eager to celebrate the baptism of a dear friends' little one.

It wasn't our home parish and like usual, we were just fighting to get out the door with the three little ones and so heading to a different location created busyness.

And, everything was complicated by my husbands' injury.  He was in the Emergency Room the night before after slicing open his finger on the kids' picnic table.

So, given the circumstances, I arrived grateful to be there in one piece.  I wasn't expecting anything, just a chance to celebrate in this little ones' joy filled experience.

But then, the pastor started to talk and delivered a homily that I couldn't stop thinking about.

It revolved around asking how much that we're willing to give in life....how much that we're willing to trust....how much skin that we're willing to put into the game, especially when they're no guarantees for a win, maybe even when it seems as though a loss is eminent.

I've always been conservative when it comes to betting.  I don't go to casinos.  I've never been to Vegas.  I want to understand what my odds for success are before I ante up.

And to be completely honest, I've operated this way in my relationship with God.  I want to see outward signs that I'm on the right track.  I get anxious if I can't see my way along the path.  I want to be more in control than I'm willing to admit.  I'm not very good at trusting that everything will turn out the way it's supposed to.

So after his talk, I pondered the thought of truly being all in...what would that look like?  What would it cost me?  What would it cost me if I don't surrender to the obvious...that no one is really ever in control.

And then, I stumbled upon this quote from a fellow runner.... 

"I'm glad to be here right now, poking at my threshold. I want to get more comfortable being uncomfortable. I want to get more confident being uncertain. I don't want to shrink back just because something isn't easy. I want to push back, and make more room in the area between I can't and I can. Maybe that spot is called I will." -Kristin Armstrong

Because when you put it all out there, the only thing that can happen is that you lose your pride, your ego gets bruised, you discover something about yourself you didn't know before, and ultimately, you own your life on life's terms and not the preconceived ones that you've been hiding behind.

It might be time to be "all in."