Recently, while on a trip out of town to Chicago, I randomly connected with a girl around my age taking the same train.
Sitting next to each other, she asked me why I was in town and I told her I was going to run the Chicago Half Marathon. Crazily, she was too.
We exchanged stories. I told her that I was married and had three children. She told me that she was embarking upon her Ph.D program at the University of Chicago and was excited to have a break this weekend. Her boyfriend who is originally from London but living in New York was coming to the Windy City to cheer her on.
Because I can't help myself and am ever the meddler, I probed, "So...is he the one?"
Anyone that prefaces a response to that question with, "Well....it's complicated, " is doomed.
And so I asked more. "How long have you been apart?" "Is one of you willing to move?" "How invested are you?" "Are you willing to walk away?"
My stock speech as a girl who spent too many years in relationships that were eventually going no where is...get the hell out.
But then she got teary. "It's been five years and I just want to be with him. I think this weekend is going to determine a lot."
Aw fuck...it's the coming to Jesus conversation. I actually thought about asking if I could have it on her behalf.
It's not a hard one to have. It should go down fairly quickly. No hemming. No hawing. Just straight forward...do you want us or not...unconditionally? If not, goodbye and good luck.
That's what I've learned. No dragging your feet. No trying to think about on our best days how we could make it happen. Nope. Life is complicated. Relationships can get murky. But at the end of the day, are we on the same team or not. If not, cut the cord, so you can find the one.
I sort of gave her that advice and told her she was too damn cute and smart to wait for any douche bag who wasn't ready to commit.
I like to think that I was practicing on her, so that one day, I'll be prepped to have that chat with my daughters.
Life's too short. Spend it loving, not wondering whether someone loves you or not.