It's hard for me to productively write at home, so when it comes time to bang out something more creative than a grocery list, I try to head to a local coffee shop.
I usually find my way out the door after the kids hit the hay, maybe 8 or 9pmish. Upon arriving, one of the things I have to force myself to do is to secure my headphones, turn up my tunes and zone into my computer screen, literally forgetting that anyone is around me.
Because I promise you, all of the whack-a-doos come out on school nights to coffee joints.
And they typically come in the form of focused students, groups of youngsters (yes, I use that word-because I am officially old compared to all of them) playing board/card games or people on bad dates.
Enter the duo seated next to me. I have been trying all night to stop listening, but their dialogue is a fucking train wreck and I'm desperate to find a way to sneak this sweet girl out the window in the bathroom, but she just seems way too nice to cut her losses.
So, this is what happened. Let me begin by saying that he's seated next to her instead of across from her. at the table..which is creepy....where's the circle of grace/personal space bubble/room for coffee breath? Then, after initial pleasantries, he talks Ad nauseam about his last relationship but confides that as a romantic, he still holds out hope for love and hands her one of his ear buds saying, "If you were a song, this is how I see you."
I have no idea what he played, but I involuntarily snorted and then excused myself to head into the bathroom.
Jesus Christ...does this stuff still happen? I mean, really? A song? Holding out hope for love?
After giving strong consideration to walking up and pretending that I knew her, providing a possible out, I packed up. Lord have mercy.
I've already planned it out. I'm going to write a book of these really pathetic dating scenarios and hand it to my daughters as a mandatory read prior to their courtship years. Cause really, ain't no one got time for that.