Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Fight for It

Wanting to jump into the new year with a plan of attack, a resolute path, a mission...two weeks in, I quickly learned that change wasn't going to emerge on its' own.

Much to my chagrin, I really was going to have to assess what I wanted and create an action plan to get there.

Four years ago, when I started running, I hated the idea of being beholden to a training plan.  Forced to log in mileage on a near daily basis felt like an anchor of expectation riddled with inherent guilt if I didn't adhere...but slowly over many months, I started to see results and then, I became an addict...a zealot and there was very little that could keep me from lacing up my shoes...not time of day, pesky weather or sickness...I was out the door, putting one foot in front of the other. 

Many moons later, I've decided that maintaining that kind of regimen in my life makes me a better person all around.  I can more easily contend with the needs of my family, cope with anxiety as it rears its' head over issues with growing my small business and in general, have more self confidence as I go about my place in the world.

So, yesterday, I opened up my computer, clicked on my calendar and started to slice each day into hour increments.  Color-coded, organized happiness was the aftermath.  And, I must say it felt good to see my life laid out in a structure that will hopefully afford me freedom from feeling guilty all the time about not getting it all done.

Time for running, writing, managing my business, volunteering, folding laundry, grocery shopping, chauffeuring and some sleeping.

It was supposed to start this morning with a 4:30am wake-up call.  Upon hearing the beeping of my phone, I rolled over, hacked up a lung and thought...fuck!  I still have this god foresaken chest cold...I can't run.  It felt deflating, defeating and like a set back to the perfect plan.

Until this song came on...

And I realized that life is full of set backs.  It's the nature of the beast.  We get sick.  Our kids get sick.  An unexpected project comes up at work.  A parent needs us.  A spouse can't partner fully this day or that week.  When that happens, the task is to gut check and see how badly that you want something.  Because if you really, really...really...want it, you'll find a way.  You'll evolve your plan.  You'll modify your day.  You'll revise the previous and you'll make it work.  You'll rise up from the valley.  You'll emerge from the depth and you'll choose that which brings you life and makes your heart sing.

In the end, you'll fight for it.  And you'll be better for doing so.

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