Monday, June 24, 2013

The Right Words Afloat in an Imperfect Me

I had been searching for the right words for weeks.

Trapped in my own auto-correcting head cursing the fact that I'm a first-born and a perfectionist when it comes to doing the things I love.

And so it is with language.  I'm meticulous about word choice.  My children have come to understand that there are certain words we use and ones that we don' shut-up, hate, butt, fart, and lame transitions that can be summed up by a single word.

I'd been yearning to write on my blog.  Wanting to get these thoughts out of my head, but instead finding myself filling the time with other tasks like cleaning, parenting, working, and ultimately, pushing "me" to the back of my as to not get it wrong in real time.

And then, Sunday morning arrived.  Or, I should say that I arrived along with my family in Colorado.  And I knew, against my better judgment that my heart would be ignited and that hopefully, my hands would find the keyboard.

But quite the opposite happened...on a singular walk with my two-year old daughter, I stumbled upon a stream and a little girl who was desperate to get her hands wet.  It looked something like this...

And while we were finding the perfect stones to plop into the stream, it dawned on me.  Every stone is perfect to her.  Every opportunity to make a wish, plunk it into the water and watch it wash away is wanted.  Every chance to get her hands cold in the water and pluck a white blossoming flower is beautiful.  And this is all that she wanted to do every time that we went on a walk.

And so as I quieted my head and made room in my heart for the sound of the water and the giggling of my little girl, I realized, it's all perfect.  Perfectly imperfect and exactly how it should be.  And every time that I don't write or I don't run or I don't share me with the world for fear of a misstep or a missed word, I'm losing out and so are people and places I'm connected to.

I'm still resolute that language is powerful and should be handled with care....but I'm more resolute that it's essential to let go, give in, and hear the stream, feel the water, and remember that every moment is filled with imperfect opportunities to fill our soul, if we just let them.

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