Wednesday, January 16, 2013

100 Years to Live

Like most mornings, I wake up at 4:30am and head out the door for a run.

Post the 3 mile adrenaline rush, I was back at the house, feverishly making coffee, getting out the peanut butter to make my son's school lunch, grabbing library books for back packs, laying out cereal bowls and in general, reviewing what the day would look like.

After my family headed out the door, my 2-year old and I turned on some tunes and got ready to tackle our plans.

That's when this song came on.

It's an acoustic live version of the song "One Hundred Years," by the band Five for Fighting. Suffice it to say that I hadn't heard it in many a moon.  But it got me thinking...

My 20-year high school reunion is 8 months away.  Twenty years.  How is that possible?  Where has the time gone?  Oh sure, I can timeline it out and it appears orderly...high school, college, career, graduate school, wedding, marriage, motherhood...but really, where has it gone?

One of the first lines of the song says, "Fifteen...there's still time....time to buy and time to choose...there's never a wish better than this....when you've only got a hundred years to live."  And certainly that's the truth.  When you're in high school, the world feels magnanimous and small all in the same breath.  You're on top of the world/King of the Hill/ruler of your domain in one breath and then instantly fucked in the next when she says that she won't 'go-out' with you anymore.

Your possibilities are also endless.  You'll be anything you want to be.  You'll make a million dollars.  You'll save a million lives.  And you'll do it all when you want to do it.  And no one will tell you differently.

And then, as the song goes, you're 33.  And maybe you've got a kid on the way...and suddenly, the stakes are higher.  The world is bigger and your desires have a shelf life.  And you're doing what's best for the family...which may or may not be in line with your self interests.

And then, you're 50, and you're looking back and you're no longer young.  Maybe you've lost friends to unforeseen health challenges.  Maybe you didn't save a million lives.  Maybe, you're just trying to save your own.

And then, you're my dear friend's mother was who recently passed away and you're looking at your legacy and your time here and you're thinking...did I do it all?  was it enough?

I'm excited for this upcoming high school reunion.  Much more on that later.  For now, I'm just pondering the seasonality and temporalness of life.  It's such a fragile deal.  And at the age of 37, it feels like so much time has already gone by...I can only imagine what the future has to offer.

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