Ode to Kate on Your Sweet 16th Birthday

July 8, 2023

My Dearest Kate,

Happy, Happy Sweet 16th Birthday!

Oh my goodness!  You woke up today, headed to driver's ed and all of the sudden, the world changed, and you are officially so grown up!

Tomorrow, you'll take your driver's test and then, freedom awaits you.

My goodness, Kate.  You are such an amazing person.  It's hard to find the words to share all of the things I love about who you and what you stand for.

You recently completed your sophomore year at Duchesne Academy of the Sacred Heart--and during that time, managed rigorous classes while dancing multiple nights a week at the Omaha Academy of Ballet, solidifed your love of fashion through costume design in the production of Macbeth and Omaha Fashion Week, and shot as many bulls eye's as possible in archery.

 

You are such a creative, thoughtful, intentional, interesting, wise beyond your years person--that you're continually inspiring me.  

You recently applied to be a participant in Duchesne's trip to Madrid next summer, and when accepted, understood that in order to go, you'd need to pay for half of the trip.  And so, by the grace of God, you nannied for a wonderful family teaching their little guy to sew and earning your ability to explore another country.

You're love for creating also secured you a spot in the Kent Bellow's mentoring program where you learn from a fashion design mentor and are designing and sewing pieces for upcoming shows.

All the while, you're still managing Enchanted Toucan, your Etsy store, making several pink plushy bats every week for customers, funding your ability to buy oodles of fabric and to thrift on a dime.

 

What I think I love about you the most is your kindness.  You're a really good person who always wants to give the next person the benefit of the doubt, who seems to have infinite amounts of patience, and who trusts that all is well and that with enough elbow grease and magic, it will all work out.  I hope you never lose this beautiful way of being in the world.

So, as you embark upon the back half of high school, and we begin the college visiting process in your junior year, a few thoughts...

• The sky is the limit.  Venture to find the right place for you.  It will inevitably be different than your big brother's and it will be exactly where you're meant to be.
  
• Keep stretching yourself.  Soak up everything you can from the mentors, teachers, instructors, peers, and influencers that you can---but at the end of the day, follow your own north star.  Be Kate.  She's the best.  And there's only one of her ever.  Dive deeply into her and trust in all that she brings.
• Spain will be the beginning of recognizing that the world is a really big place and that there's so much to see and to explore--let it brew a hunger inside of you that makes you crave more experiences of the unknown knowing that your family is always here rooting for you, wanting to hear about the world through your eyes.
• When in doubt, turn to God.  Take your fear, your hurt, your "I don't know how it's going to all work out," and give it over.  You don't have to walk alone.  You are loved.  And in time, it will be revealed.
• Your family loves you more than you can imagine.  Let this foundation be the roots that you need to fly.  Your father, brother, sister, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins have a giant "Go Kate" sign at all times and we are always here to remind you how loved and valuable you are.

So, now's your time, girl!  Here's to freedom, adventure, exploration, opportunity and deep love.  So much excitement in the new year.  Go take it by storm!! 

 

 

All My Love, Mom

Ode to Kate on Your 15th Birthday

July 8, 2022

My Dearest Kate,

Happy, Happy 15th Birthday!

It is so incredible to think that 15-years ago, God gave you to us to be a part of our family.  And what a gift you are!

There are so many things that are remarkable about who you are, but in particular this past year has been amazing to be a part of your journey.

You completed your first year of high school at Duchesne Academy of the Sacred Heart and crushed it! Between theater, archery, speech, crazy hard classes, work study and so much more--you made new friends, explored creative parts of yourself and excelled along the way.

From the first to the last day of Freshman year, it was an honor to watch you grow, challenge yourself and strive to be the best version of you.

Speaking of which, this year, saw you soar in your commitment to dance--between ballet, en pointe, lyrical and modern...you found your way into the Omaha Dance Project and back on stage for your first in-person recital in 3-years.  All so magnificent to witness as I'm reminded of when you were a little ballerina and wanted to be like the big girls.

One of the highlights of this past year, was the journey we all took to begin the college selection process with Sam.  We explored Evanston, Chicago, Lake Forest, Norfield, St. Paul, MN and while we were there, I watched you light up.  Seeing you explore buildings, program offerings, campus spaces--it was extraordinary.  On the heels of your brother's choice, you will soon be doing the same, and it is clear that you are more than ready for the new adventure.

One of the pieces of you that has always amazed dad and I is your incredible gift of creativity--your ability to sew, paint, draw, design, repurpose, and bring an idea to life.  Whether behind the scenes in crew for Duchesne's production of "Little Women," designing and sewing from scratch a character for Comicon, making a homemade mushroom Halloween costume or drawing and painting your self portrait.  You are talented.

And then, this year, unleashed the power of making your own money via babysitting and holy cow, between your own checking account and the ease of Venmo, you have found a way to sustain your purchases from craft stores by playing games, making mac and cheese, and facilitating endless bouts of hide and seek with other people's kiddos...and they love you!  You've gone from babysitting your little sister--to helping lots of other families.

So, here's the thing, Kate...I know from watching your big brother that these last few years in high school are going to fly.  Soon, you'll get your learner's permit and then, once you start driving, you'll be just as independent as he is.  And the thing is, I'll miss you, just as much as I miss him--but I won't be able to help witnessing you soar.

As you embark upon the goodness of your 15th year, continue to do what brings you joy.  Garner inspiration, design, journal, draw, spend time with friends, go to Kitaki, keep shooting arrows in archery and aiming for the bulls eye, curse when you want to, read science fiction, joke with your dad, play Magic with your brother, listen to podcasts, soak up all that this beautiful life has to offer.

And if you start to worry or wonder or feel wobbly--you've always got a safe space to land--right here, right now, forever.  I'm always rooting for you, hoping for you, believing in you--trusting that God has big plans for your one magical life that we are so lucky to be a part of.

Here's to all that this new year has to offer.  We could not be more proud of you...

All my love,

Mom

Ode to Claire on Your 8th Birthday

My Dearest Claire,

OH MY GOODNESS...today you are EIGHT!

It happened, just like that.

You are a big second grader who knows exactly who she is and what she wants in the world.

Extraordinary, really...when I think about it, I stand in amazement at everything that you teach me about how to live a full life.

First up, this year, you said, "Hell to the no's on ballet."  You've taken lessons since you were 3-years old, and watched your older sister dance for hours week after week.  Classically trained, pursuing the desire to be on pointe, you deemed that slice of the world, not your cup of tea.

Instead, you decided to trade your slippers for sparring gloves.  You're a fighter.  A full-fledged orange belt variety and three times a week, you Braveheart "KEE-YAH" the shit out of the other students who find themselves in the ring.

Next up, you love beyond measure the gift of reading.  Something clicked and now, your nose is always in a book.  Your current faves are anything Captain Underpants, Harry Potter, Amelia Bedelia, Land of Stories, Elephant and Piggie, and of course, the stand by Dr. Seusses.  It's been a magical ride to be a witness on your reading journey.  You love acting out the characters and snuggling together during the telling of the tales.

This year found you playing more piano than I could have imagined.  You've been devoted to practicing, and the only thing that keeps you from the ivories is the inherited guitar that had you playing "Happy Birthday" at the SMM talent show.  A perfectly pitched, beautiful voice, you love to sing and dance more than anyone else in our abode.

While Joy should have been your middle name, I often find that Feist and Sass are a bit more appropriate.  You are hard...I mean really freaking hard.  Stubborn, short, a tendency toward blurting out how your brother or sister are assholes while questioning nearly everything I tell you to do....you are a fierce ass force to be reckoned with.  And I struggle, I yell more than I should.  I use the famous "Because I told you so," more than I would like, and many times, I slink away in exasperation.

But you know what, I don't worry about you...not one bit.  You can hold your own.  You are brilliant, capable, confident, strong (I've watched you do many more push-ups in a sitting than I could) and you have an unwavering faith in God's love for you.  The other night while praying the rosary, you said, "Thank you God for life and death and all the days in between.  Thank you for the trees and the hedgehogs and Sam and Kate and for my friends, even the mean ones.  Thank you for loving me no matter what.  And for giving us a warm house.  I love you."

My blue-eyed, blonde-haired, firecracker of a girl, we love you too.  And as you grow, which we know is inevitable, channel your fierce spirit, your insane creativity, and extraordinary gift for decision making and use it for good.  Take the unconditional love you have in your heart and give it to others.  Let them know that they are loved too.

In your upcoming year, may you be showered with more joy than you can imagine--for you have given us more than we could have.

I love you to the moon and back,

Mama

Ode to Kate on Your Ninth Birthday

My Dearest Kate,

Oh my goodness!  You're nine! 

A bonafide ballet twirling, piano playing, Roald Dahl reading, canvas painting, fruit and veggie eating, bird admiring, advocate for every soul under the sun.

There are no words to say how much I love you and how excited I am for where you are, smack dab in the middle of such a beautiful life.

I can't quite explain it, but from the moment of your birth, you have been elated with the world.  Happy to greet everyone you meet with a sense of wonder, purpose, hope, and giddyness for the possibilities that abound.  You have served as the inspiration for our family to live in the center of the moment, and to gobble up all of the beauty and joy that God has blessed upon us.

A few weeks ago, we took a family vacation to northern California and you took your iPad primarily to take pictures of everything that made your heart sing.  I watched you focus in on seagulls in San Francisco, Redwoods outside of Eureka, ruins in Alcatraz and interesting smiles of passer-byers. You are a natural observer, documenter and lover of the beauty in the world.

It is extraordinary to watch you read voraciously and fall in love with the characters and language as much as I did when I was your age.  Consumed in tales like The BFG, Matilda, Harry Potter, Story Thieves, The War that Saved My Life and so many others, it is a delight to compare notes and to watch you write and illustrate your own rags about dragons, heroes and girls who save the day (always, the heroines).  And now, you've embarked upon building and painting your own Free Little Library with your dad so that you can share your love of literacy with our neighborhood. 

One of my favorite projects you crafted was during the Lenten season when you decided to paint "Rocks for the Poor."  You and your sister spent hours finding the perfect stones and then carefully adorning them with color and symbols in the hopes that people would buy them as desk decoration.  In turn, you took the money and gave it to those in need because according to you, "We have so much and it's not right that others have so little."

In the fall, you are headed into fourth grade, a time that I vividly remember.  So, as you embark upon your ninth year, I want to leave you with this... the greatest gift that you can give to another is kindness and you are filled to the brim with it.  Let it pour out of you and shower upon the new girl you meet in class, the one who stumbles on the street, the friend who's not quite sure that they're doing it right, the stranger in the store or on the playground.  Because while we live in a country that seems to be monetarily wealthy, we are vastly deficient in our ability to love one another for exactly who we are without judgement or fear.

Try not to be afraid.  Be wild, free and alive.  Every moment is a new opportunity to feel, to believe, to try again, to experience all that this crazy time and space has to offer.  Never doubt that you are both able and extraordinary beyond all measure.  You have the power and the fortitude to do so, so very much.  But it's more fun and vastly more enjoyable when you take a friend along the journey.  Share your success.  Be humble in your winnings.  And know that all goodness and grace comes from God.

Forgive me if this is how I see you...

I'm not sure how we got to here...

But I do know that I'll always be right here, cheering you on as you explore, wonder, hope, imagine
and create a more beautiful and loving world.

To the moon and back, sunshine...

Happy Birthday, Kate....

Love always, Mama

The Hidden Me

Anais Nin.

I've sort of loved her for a long time...really, since I remember becoming a woman.

And while she has many, this is one of my favorite quotes.

“There were always in me, two women at least, one woman desperate and bewildered, who felt she was drowning and another who would leap into a scene, as upon a stage, conceal her true emotions because they were weaknesses, helplessness, despair, and present to the world only a smile, an eagerness, curiosity, enthusiasm, interest.”


Her direct wit and instant access to all that is vulnerable, real, sensual and true resonates abundantly with me, especially this morning....


At the end of my daughter Claire's ballet class, I high tailed it to the library to spend some time with my three-year old reading and wrangling puzzles.

After too much coffee, I made a quick pit stop in the restroom. I was in the stall getting ready to do my thing, when I heard a voice say, "I love that you run every morning.  It's inspiring."


Um, thank you, I said with no idea who was talking to me.  And then, because I suck at accepting a compliment, I blurted out, "Don't be impressed.  Mostly, it's a lot of huffing and puffing.  But the early morning seems to be the only time that I can make it work in my life."


Eager to pee, but unsure if she'd retort back, I waited.


"Your blog is cool too.  It's nice to know that someone else is just trying to get by."


"Oh, wow.  Thanks."  And then, because I couldn't take the anonymous identity any longer, I peed like a race horse and rushed out.


It was a friend that I hadn't seen in many moons who was at the library with her kids as well.  We're friends on Facebook, but she rarely posts and so, I had forgotten that she sees my daily status updates and blog.


Washing our hands, she said, "Really, keep running and writing. It gives me the kick I need to get out the door."


And that was it.  She was gone back to her littles and I was stunned.  What I wanted to say to her was, I'm a fraud.  I run slow and I write because I can't help myself...most of it is gibberish at best.  No need to be inspired by me.

Then, I harkened back to Anais Nin.  So much of who we are is wrapped in all of the things that we're not.  We present a smiling face to the people who cross our path, but hidden deep inside lives fear, anxiety, wounds, disappointments, misgivings, bewilderment.


And I suppose the goal is to let go of that which we think we are not and trust in what we know to be true to make the most of this life we've been given.  We're all here for a reason.  Our path has a chartered course.  No one else can leave the unique foot print that is all our own to share.  It is up to us to honor the parts of the woman that are filled with despair and hopelessness while at the same time choosing to greet the opportunity of a new day with hope and possibility. 

Inside of us lives many people...there's no doubt about that.  The question is who will you choose to share with the world?

Channeling My Inner Twinkle Toes

So, I think I mentioned in a previous post, that I recently started an adult ballet class. 

That's right, every Saturday morning, I dawn a leotard and pretty pink ballet shoes.  It's me, a 74-year old woman, two men, a half a dozen women in their 30's and 40's, and one girl who is clearly the bell of the ball.  She knows her stuff.  Oh, and the instructor who is eight and a half months pregnant.  That's right.  She is ready to pop and amazing on her feet.  It's truly inspiring.

So what in the world would possess me to go so far outside of my comfort zone?  I mean really?  I'm not completely a novice.  I took ballet very briefly as a little girl. However, my one claim to fame at the Orpheum Theater landed me in a shuffle, ball change, facing the back of the stage...as all of the other ballerinas bowed to the front for the grand finale.  It was more than a little embarrassing.  So, let's just say, I don't have natural ability or talent.

But the deal is, I really love it.  It's one hour.  Just for me.  Away from the kids and the noise and the laundry and the dishes and the needs.  A woman plays beautiful music on the piano.  The instructor teaches us gorgeous french vocabulary words.  I get to sashay across the floor, attempt to point my toes and try not to get consumed with the figure that I see in the mirror.  Miraculously, it's a work out using muscles that I'm not sure I knew existed.  And, now I stand a little straighter, shoulders upright with a bit of whimsy in my step.

I'm not advocated that everyone should take ballet...but I do think you should try something way outside of your comfort zone.  You only live once, right?

When I told my four-year old daughter that I was nervous to go to class, she comforted me by saying, "You'll be great mama, just remember to point your toes!"