Ode to Kate on Your 15th Birthday

July 8, 2022

My Dearest Kate,

Happy, Happy 15th Birthday!

It is so incredible to think that 15-years ago, God gave you to us to be a part of our family.  And what a gift you are!

There are so many things that are remarkable about who you are, but in particular this past year has been amazing to be a part of your journey.

You completed your first year of high school at Duchesne Academy of the Sacred Heart and crushed it! Between theater, archery, speech, crazy hard classes, work study and so much more--you made new friends, explored creative parts of yourself and excelled along the way.

From the first to the last day of Freshman year, it was an honor to watch you grow, challenge yourself and strive to be the best version of you.

Speaking of which, this year, saw you soar in your commitment to dance--between ballet, en pointe, lyrical and modern...you found your way into the Omaha Dance Project and back on stage for your first in-person recital in 3-years.  All so magnificent to witness as I'm reminded of when you were a little ballerina and wanted to be like the big girls.

One of the highlights of this past year, was the journey we all took to begin the college selection process with Sam.  We explored Evanston, Chicago, Lake Forest, Norfield, St. Paul, MN and while we were there, I watched you light up.  Seeing you explore buildings, program offerings, campus spaces--it was extraordinary.  On the heels of your brother's choice, you will soon be doing the same, and it is clear that you are more than ready for the new adventure.

One of the pieces of you that has always amazed dad and I is your incredible gift of creativity--your ability to sew, paint, draw, design, repurpose, and bring an idea to life.  Whether behind the scenes in crew for Duchesne's production of "Little Women," designing and sewing from scratch a character for Comicon, making a homemade mushroom Halloween costume or drawing and painting your self portrait.  You are talented.

And then, this year, unleashed the power of making your own money via babysitting and holy cow, between your own checking account and the ease of Venmo, you have found a way to sustain your purchases from craft stores by playing games, making mac and cheese, and facilitating endless bouts of hide and seek with other people's kiddos...and they love you!  You've gone from babysitting your little sister--to helping lots of other families.

So, here's the thing, Kate...I know from watching your big brother that these last few years in high school are going to fly.  Soon, you'll get your learner's permit and then, once you start driving, you'll be just as independent as he is.  And the thing is, I'll miss you, just as much as I miss him--but I won't be able to help witnessing you soar.

As you embark upon the goodness of your 15th year, continue to do what brings you joy.  Garner inspiration, design, journal, draw, spend time with friends, go to Kitaki, keep shooting arrows in archery and aiming for the bulls eye, curse when you want to, read science fiction, joke with your dad, play Magic with your brother, listen to podcasts, soak up all that this beautiful life has to offer.

And if you start to worry or wonder or feel wobbly--you've always got a safe space to land--right here, right now, forever.  I'm always rooting for you, hoping for you, believing in you--trusting that God has big plans for your one magical life that we are so lucky to be a part of.

Here's to all that this new year has to offer.  We could not be more proud of you...

All my love,

Mom

Om

For the first time in about 10 days, I woke up and breathed without thinking about my immediate next action steps.

My husband was gracious enough to take the kiddos to the grocery store and they were kind enough to help him mow the lawn.

That left me finding my way to a yoga class.  A bit trepidatious, I walked in afraid that I'd forgotten.

Filling in the circle with my purple mat, my lower back was on fire, my legs were stiff, my arms felt like jello and when the instructor required us to close our eyes and to start paying attention to our breath, I almost started crying.

Breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth, reinhabiting the space between the sacrum and the soul, it hit me, I've been so out of touch with my physical being.

After what felt like hundreds of breath cycles, we placed our hands to heart center and together chanted "om" three times to intone the practice.  It was then that I melted into the poses and like riding a bike, picked up immediately where I'd left off, albeit a little rusty.

This is what happens to me.  I'm a pretty phenomenal task master.  If there is a goal in sight, I can strategize how to get there and activate immediately.  I like checking things off the list.  I live in the future like it's my job.  And most of the time, my frenzied take charge mindset serves me well.

Until my body and my heart say, enough.  We've been abandoned for far too long.  And that was the deal this morning.  Exempt of a regular running regimen or a daily routine with the kids combined with executing big projects and exhaustion, I've been a ball of stress...no bueno on the body.

I once had a reading done and the woman told me before she even turned a card that I live far too much in my head and that my body was longing to dance.  At the time, I was drinking coffee and spit a portion of it out on her cards.  Embarrassed, I said, I think my body longs to sleep.  To which she replied, your body is tired of being tired and your mind is on overload.

So, when I starting chanting "om" and listened to the intonations of the men and women in unison, it was a vivid reminder that we all long to dance.  We all want to move freely and to connect to others in the process.

My challenge is feeling a strong type A responsibility that keeps me analyzing and over analyzing all the things I should be doing instead of surrendering in the moment.  To that end, I hate that my spotty yoga practice is confined to an external studio that I have to drive to and transport myself metaphysically outside of my thoughts.  Instead, I wish that I could capture the feeling of breathing in and breathing out, chanting "om" and letting my being dance.  Here's to finding myself more connected to my body.

My Inner Mamacita

This morning I grabbed my hot pants, water bottle and the address to a new Zumba studio.

My girlfriend has been encouraging me to go and I'm so glad that I did.

Surrounded by women of all ages, sizes, and shapes.. I wasn't sure what I had gotten myself into, but by the second song, I was hooked.

Where else are you given license to shake the shit out of your ass and feel like a goddess?  Well, I mean other than the bedroom.

My inspiration came from a Latina woman in the front row who had to be in her 60's.  She owned her body and was completely moved by the music, the rhythm, the sunshine, and her inner sexiness.  It was fabulous!

The hour experience had me thinking, why don't we own our sexiness more?  Why don't we have crazy dance parties and enjoy the fact that we have bodies?  Or, I guess I should say why don't I own my sexiness more?  My hunch is that if men and women were in that room...it could have gotten a little nasty. 

But given that most of our days are spent in meetings, typing on a computer, making meals, doing dishes, schlepping something to and from another place...we need to let go and enjoy ourselves. 

As I was grabbing my water bottle and heading out, I heard one lady say to another, "Are you sweating vodka?"  To which she replied, "Nope, it's rum."  With a twinkle in their eyes, they headed home.