Ode to Kate on Your 19th Birthday

July 8, 2026

My Dearest Kate,

Happy, Happy 19th Birthday!  

Let me begin by saying--I love you. I love you. I love you and that I have so much gratitude for the gift of having a front row seat to your journey.  

This past year, you began college and Dad and I were gobsmacked and so proud to be at your Wesleyan productions--from set design, costume construction, stage management to props, you dove deeply into the world of theater.  Seeing you in your element being mentored by instructors who have helped you grow your skills and strengthen your confidence is remarkable.  And even as I write this, you're feverishly working on a Cosplay costume that you built from scratch--designing the pattern, sewing complex components (French seams are pretty cool) and culminating the ensemble for competition next week. 

It's also been your first time living away from home and while I thought I wouldn't survive it, turns out that I can and you really are an expert in your own life--managing hard classes, navigating a roommate, deciding which parts of the social scene you like and don't and how to make peace with a small room and shitty laundry machines.

It was also so much fun to see you in Europe as you experienced West End theater productions, vintage shops, delicious coffee and began dreaming about possible study abroad and grad school opportunities.

I love that you are passionate about the things you're passionate about and that you meticulously take the time to do those things right--whether in relationships, academics, your job, or your craft--you don't settle and I am so inspired by that.

Last week, Dad and I took you to Chicago to celebrate your birthday.  As the middle child, it was the first time we ever had that much concentrated time with just you.  Between a concert, an afternoon at the beach, a play, meals, coffee and 16-hours of drive time, we got to share good questions and hear what really matters to you.  I don't think I'll ever forget that.

As you embark upon the last year of your teens, remember that you are enough--all of you. Continue to trust in your intuition. Use your instincts to jump or course correct. Don't be afraid to wander down a new path. Keep reflecting on the people and experiences that make you feel alive. Recognize that feeling down or unsure or unsteady or scared is all part of it and that you're right where you're supposed to be. And when you feel wobbly, please know that on your terms, I'm here to listen, to laugh/scream with you, to get coffee with you, to plan a way through and to remind you that you're not alone.

There's so much good and beauty in the world and you are definitively part of that. And so, I leave you with the blessing that we've given to you since Kindergarten, "May God bless your mind so you can learn, your ears to be a good listener, your mouth to speak kind words and your heart to feel love."

I love you so, so much,

Mom

Ode to 51 Birthday Candles

 May 6, 2026

Happy, Happy 51st Birthday to Me!

As I write, I am mindful of the fact that I've likely lived more of my life than I have left of it which gives me pause.  Many years ago, when my first child was born, I remember watching Steve Jobs' commencement address to Stanford's Class of 2005.  In it, he said that death is the single best invention of life and that time is limited.  He also shared that while no one really wants to die, everyone-particularly recent college grads-should take time to listen to their intuition instead of their parents or the worlds' expectations, as it knows exactly why they were called to be here.

I remember taking this to heart when I started making unconventional choices like leaving my career post graduate school to stay at home and raise our children.  And again, when I decided to go back to the marketplace and start a mediation private practice. And again, when we decided to use our money for education and experiences which didn't add up on paper.

And so, particularly as my children grow and our oldest will graduate from college next year, it's a strange and marvelous place to be--wondering why I am meant to be here and what I have left to do.

One of the most freeing parts of aging-aside from the truly giving minimal fucks part-is the recognition that all of the minute things that seemed to carry so much weight really have no more bearing.  Getting worked up about a child's grade, a social event, a conversation with a family member, a car repair, decor for a party, etc. just doesn't matter.  And the reason it doesn't matter is because after so much lived experience, you finally understand what does--people, relationships, memories, promises, unconditional love, hope, commitment, connection.  And after seeing people that I love die and watching the aftermath of the lives of those left, I realize that all of this is short--and when we miraculously wake up each morning--it should be in gratitude.

When the astronauts from the Artemis II mission came back to Earth, they shared that everything out there in the universe is so black except for the oasis of the planet that we live on--and that the one binding truth is that we are all living, breathing human beings who elementally are the same. And because when we're born, no one tells us how many days we get to be here--we mistakenly think that it's forever-but it's not.

Steve Jobs died at the age of 56. People who I love have died younger. And so recognizing that time is of the essence, the big questions I'm wrestling with are what to do with my hands, feet, heart and mind now that I'm no longer mothering in the way I used to.  How to serve and love others in the ways that I have been so kindly the recipient of?  What to leave behind and how to use my time and gifts well?

I hope that in this 51st year, I can continue to shed the worry and doubt that often keep me from plunging into the things and relationships that matter most.  I pray that I will trust in my purpose for being here and that I won't squander the gift of life.  I yearn to use my written words to foster hope and connection.  I want to keep serving as a bridge for people in conflict helping them to see a different way.  I am excited to celebrate milestones with my children and to continue conversations about life's big questions. And, while I climb a mountain every day, I am infinitely grateful to share base camp with my husband--my partner--my love--as I work to leave something meaningful behind.

Here's to the beginning of a new year and a deep dive into the 50's--I hear it's a really beautiful place to be.

All my love,

Me

Ode to Sam on Your 20th Birthday

February 8, 2025

My Dearest Sam,

The sun is shining brightly, the wind is blowing gently, the sky is really blue, and you are officially 20.

I stand in amazement.  No longer a teenager, no longer primarily living at home in Nebraska; you have carved out a really magnificent space at St. Olaf College in Minnesota--with kind, smart, funny friends that you host a radio program with, engage great conversation, share fabulous banter, extend generous support, and have loads of fun with. 

You've explored really cool rigorous classes that have piqued your curiosity--some of my favorites have been the enduring questions program, studio art/photography and philosophy classes as well as your business concentration that has helped me with my own small business acumen.

And now, you're waiting to see which study abroad program will have you in another country next year. 

This year, also saw you voting in your first presidential election, ushering at your first cousin's wedding, getting your wisdom teeth extracted, and traveling with a good friend maintaining childhood friendships.

And through it all, you have been Sam.  The same amazing old soul, North Star, salt of the Earth, minimalist, witty, funny, stubborn, loving, kind hearted, beautiful, generous human being.

This year, I turn 50.  And as I reflect back upon you, the person who made me a mother for the first time, I think, how did I get to be so lucky--to have a child who teaches me the things in life that really matter, who has no interest in the material and deep curiosity for an intriguing story, a funny joke, or a really good piece of music.  That when asked what he wants will say, how about a good meal and conversation?  When asked if he's afraid of what comes next says, why would I be--look at how things have turned out up to this point.  When pressed on his faith, retorts quietly that God has been good.  

So, as you embark upon this new decade, may you trust in the exploration and lean deeply into the questions believing that the answers will emerge, or maybe they won't, but we don't have to know where it will all lead to share in a good life.  Trust your internal compass.  You are a really good judge of character.  When in doubt, give it a go--trusting that you can always course correct, believing that life is for the living.  And if you need a safe space to land, I am always, always here--for a warm meal and good conversation.

Thank you for letting me be your mom and for being such a great son.  I have no words, even as I type this, to say how grateful I am for two decades of birthday celebrations with you.  You are my heart.  You are my hope.  And you have my enduring support in anything you pursue and whomever you love.

As you celebrate today with friends on campus, know that we're here at home so grateful you were born.

So much love, always,

Mom

Ode to Claire on Your Golden 14th Birthday

My Dearest Claire:

Happy, Happy Golden 14th Birthday!

I don't even know where to begin?  You, my youngest, fierce, bold, bright, loyal, tenacious amazing young woman--Happy, Happy Birthday, Sweetheart.

****

How did we get here?  Weren't you just teaching us how to climb the Monkey Bars at Washington School?

And running through the park with your big brother and sister?

And hanging out with Aunt Lisa?

And Grandma Bonnie?

And making funny faces with me?

The truth is, you're growing up faster than any of us realized, and are quickly becoming an unbelievable force to be reckoned with--which makes my heart swell and my imagination go wild with all of the possibilities of what's in store for our Claire Bear.

*****

This eighth grade year has brought some really great fun.  You kicked off the summer by heading to Washington DC with your classmates to see monuments, the White House, Arlington National Cemetery, Gettysburg and so much more.  It was a trip to remember for certain.

Followed by one of your favorite spots on earth...Kitaki...practicing archery and all of the leadership skills that make camp and the incredible human beings that participate a magical, sacred space to be for a week.

And then, the AJR concert where you sang your head off and reminded us of the power of sticking to your craft, writing lyrics that speak to your soul, and making the most of the moment.

And now, 8th grade...you're back on the Student Council, competing with the Quiz Bowl team, serving mass, continuing piano lessons, enjoying Book Bowl practices, preparing to take the high school entrance exam, getting ready to start the Speech team and with every spare moment crocheting the heck out of anything you can get your hands on both for clothing and for awesome gifts for your friends.

As I watch you move through the world, I'm struck at how thoughtful, intentional and aware you are of how things should be and why....you are an advocate for anyone who is in need and you're constantly asking how things can change for the good and what you can do to be a part of the transformation.

You are stubborn just like your dad and when the two of you get attached to an idea, it is hard to get either of you to back down.  But underneath the fierce feist is a person who is guided by a North Star that is like no other--and it is not only admirable, it is inspirational.  You make each of us want to be a better person, right after we want to kill you for arguing the point to death :)

Beyond your brilliant mind and courageous heart is a creativity and drive toward the beautiful that is unmatched.  It has been so fun to watch you crochet bags, animals, blankets, beanies, science and history projects and a million other amazing choices for the world.

And so, as you embark upon the next chapter, please know that we're all rooting for you and are excited for your upcoming Confirmation, 8th grade graduation, entry into Duchesne Sacred Heart high school, and  maybe to your chagrin, being with you for all four years of high school while Sam and Kate are in college.

You make us laugh, scream, pull our hair out, dance with joy, and remember that life is for the living.  From all of us to you, Happy Golden Birthday, Claire Bear!  We love you.

 

All my love, Mom 

Ode to Kate on Your 17th Birthday

 July 8, 2024

My Dearest Kate:

Happy, Happy 17th Birthday!

You woke up this morning, and while the world changed for me (how can you really be 17?!!), you ate a bagel, grabbed your clothes, and headed out the door to your job as a barista.  Time to make the doughnuts.

You have always been a person that gets the job done-quietly, intentionally and consistently.

This past year has been such a marvel to watch your choices.  You made the hard but good decision to release dance to make time for costume design for Duchesne's productions of Annie and a Midsummer Nights Dream along with Kent Bellow's mentorship program.  Seeing your creations come to life in fashion, Cosplay, 3-D art, painting, embroidery, and even in Madrid as you created ceramic art is so inspiring.

Speaking of Spain, it was so much fun when you came home to listen to your stories of castles, museums, food, fashion, art, history....and...to receive all of your texts in Spanish.  It seems as though this will be the first of many stamps on your passport and that you found the hunger to see more of the world.

And, of course, this has been an amazingly liberating year of driving--to school, to work, to have dinner with friends, to grab late night Sonic and to feel the freedom of going where you want to go with the ability to do so.  Thank you for carpooling your little sister around, grabbing stuff for us at the grocery store and for taking your time on the road. 

And now, here we are, inches away from senior year.  A final year at Duchesne with lots of hard, good classes, a final semester to build your portfolio, the last musical and play costume curations, and of course, big decisions about where to apply to college and what makes good sense.  And, as you embark upon all of this, and the seemingly endless conversations we've had as a family about them, I want you to remember a few things...you've always been a maker...

And a reader...

And a dancer...

And a sewer...

And because all of these amazing parts are inside of you, you don't have to worry about losing them or accentuating one over the other.  Instead, trust that you will always be a maker--no matter what you study in college, or where you go, or who you meet, or which classes you take, or what your degree says.  You were born to make beauty.

So, as we do this senior year/college thing together, I promise to stand by your side, and love you as it all unfolds--no matter how it unfolds.  And when you're unsure, I'll be here with really good coffee and a bear hug--because in the end, it's not what you major in, what your business card says, the street you live on, or the amount of money you make-it's about how you treat others, the ways you remain curious and interested in the world, and the opportunities you take, imperfectly, to manifest your joy, your color, your idea, your hope into the world.  And knowing that, I'm not worried one bit. 

You are the greatest gift, and our family is so blessed to have your humor, your wit, your love, and your light.  Keep shining in your weird, unique, beautiful, only you way, and we'll keep basking in the beauty.

All my love, always,

Mom