Happy Birthday, Mom

This is my mom and today is her birthday.

She turned a very young 63.

I've written about her before.  How for example if you've never met her, you would know that she is my mother simply by the sound of her voice.   She is soft and kind and way more sugary sweet than me.  Her smile will melt you and even if you're not the "huggy" type, you'll embrace her because she instantly makes you feel wanted and loved.

She has five children and 10 grandchildren and all of them love her to pieces.  When she comes to babysit, she sets the littles off on scavenger hunts and listens while they play the trumpet or the piano or watches them "Whip" and "Nene" or paint or play American Girl dolls all while expressing how big they've gotten and how beautiful they are.

If you need anything, no matter how small or large, it is yours...with absolutely no expectation of reciprocity.  There is literally nothing that she has to have because I've literally watched her give away most of her possessions at any one given time...with the mindset that you can't take it with you.

And if you want to know the the power of elbow grease combined with the unconditional love of the heart, watch what she does for a living.  Serving as a resident liason for amazing elderly people in their final days, she teaches yoga; dances the Jitterbug; prays when they are scared; calms their family when they are weak and gives them hope as their faculties are failing.  If you've not seen her in action, I can attest that it is holy work and not for the faint of heart.

All of this combined with her physical beauty.  She makes no bones about coloring her hair, taking care of her toes, maintaining an active exercise regimen and drinking a glass of wine or two or three...whatever it takes.

And as I look at her, I know that I am blessed to be her daughter.  At the age of 40, I pray that I get many, many more birthdays to honor and celebrate with her.  Many more times to say thank you for teaching me the power of sacrifice, the meaning of hard work, the declaration of love.

If I thanked you daily, it would not be enough.

Happy Birthday, Mama...we love you...xoxo

What It Means to be Happy

Do you know those people who greet the world positively all the time?

And really no matter the circumstance, they find themselves defaulting into a natural state of joy believing that everything, in the end, will all be okay.

I envy the shit out of those folks.

My mom and husband epitomize this genetic mystery to a tee.

The house could be burning down around my mother and she would trust that there was a way out and a reason why it was happening as the fire fighters were pulling her out of the wreckage.  And then, she would bake them goodies and send them Christmas cards for the rest of her life.

My husband does not worry.  He really doesn't know how to do it.  He's extraordinarily laid back and spends more time in the moment than in the past or the future.  And seems to trust that given enough time, it will all work out, because it always has.

And I have to tell you, they're both seemingly very happy people.

I would not categorize myself as a laid back, collected anything.

I am an impulsive, compulsive, neurotic, OCD person who is constantly straddling the past, present and future...and subsequently, I can find myself exhausted, and not particularly joy-filled.

Oh don't get me wrong.  It's not all bad.  My neurotic nature allows me to accomplish a lot.  I've been able to thrive academically, professionally, and physically at the goals I put forward...but that's because once I decide that it will happen, it will.

But most happy people that I know aren't consumed by their achievements or their fancy schmancy resumes.  They are engaged fully and holistically in their experiences and the people they share them with.

And that's the place that I want to get to.

The problem is you can't strive to be happy.  It's not a 5-year strategic plan.  It just is.  You either are or you're not.  And I suppose the key is to try to figure it out without alienating the people around who are living their happy lives.

I recently asked my mom when she stopped caring about what the world thought of her and if she thought my 40's would be a break out time for owning me in all of the good, non-clingy ways. 

She told me that the times she's been the most joy filled in her life are when she's allowed herself to truly be herself and that she had more time to start doing that in her 40's, but that each decade has just gotten sweeter.

And ultimately, that the other key to happiness is to remember that it's always there for the taking...most of the time, unknowingly, we strong arm it with our own complicated stuff instead of simply embracing it even if it doesn't resemble what we thought it would.

Those moms, they always seem to know.