Ode to Sam on Your 20th Birthday

February 8, 2025

My Dearest Sam,

The sun is shining brightly, the wind is blowing gently, the sky is really blue, and you are officially 20.

I stand in amazement.  No longer a teenager, no longer primarily living at home in Nebraska; you have carved out a really magnificent space at St. Olaf College in Minnesota--with kind, smart, funny friends that you host a radio program with, engage great conversation, share fabulous banter, extend generous support, and have loads of fun with. 

You've explored really cool rigorous classes that have piqued your curiosity--some of my favorites have been the enduring questions program, studio art/photography and philosophy classes as well as your business concentration that has helped me with my own small business acumen.

And now, you're waiting to see which study abroad program will have you in another country next year. 

This year, also saw you voting in your first presidential election, ushering at your first cousin's wedding, getting your wisdom teeth extracted, and traveling with a good friend maintaining childhood friendships.

And through it all, you have been Sam.  The same amazing old soul, North Star, salt of the Earth, minimalist, witty, funny, stubborn, loving, kind hearted, beautiful, generous human being.

This year, I turn 50.  And as I reflect back upon you, the person who made me a mother for the first time, I think, how did I get to be so lucky--to have a child who teaches me the things in life that really matter, who has no interest in the material and deep curiosity for an intriguing story, a funny joke, or a really good piece of music.  That when asked what he wants will say, how about a good meal and conversation?  When asked if he's afraid of what comes next says, why would I be--look at how things have turned out up to this point.  When pressed on his faith, retorts quietly that God has been good.  

So, as you embark upon this new decade, may you trust in the exploration and lean deeply into the questions believing that the answers will emerge, or maybe they won't, but we don't have to know where it will all lead to share in a good life.  Trust your internal compass.  You are a really good judge of character.  When in doubt, give it a go--trusting that you can always course correct, believing that life is for the living.  And if you need a safe space to land, I am always, always here--for a warm meal and good conversation.

Thank you for letting me be your mom and for being such a great son.  I have no words, even as I type this, to say how grateful I am for two decades of birthday celebrations with you.  You are my heart.  You are my hope.  And you have my enduring support in anything you pursue and whomever you love.

As you celebrate today with friends on campus, know that we're here at home so grateful you were born.

So much love, always,

Mom

Ode to Claire on your 13th Birthday

December 14, 2023

My Dearest Claire,

You woke up and are officially a teenager!  13-years old!!!

As I look back, I stand in awe of what an incredible year you've had...

Crocheting everything in sight including a temperature blanket, all kinds of creatures-cows, sloths, whales, squids, hats, bags, starting your own Etsy store, and joining the sweet older ladies at church, sitting around knitting at the prayer shawl ministry.

Enjoying all things Kitaki.  Deciding that independence is a good thing and also, that it's really important to hang with the kids that don't always get the invite.

Seeing Hamilton and singing all of the words with your sister.  Along with singing to musicals every night in the shower--hoping one day, you'll get to see Hadestown.

Going to hockey games with dad, cheering on the Mavs, giving the opposing team an earful.

Giving your all to 7th grade Student Council, believing in the power of change, working to make the most of middle school.

Giving us your crazy smolder faces any chance you get--because, let's be honest, you can do them better than any of us.

To your amazing art work and love for anything creative.

To your incredible piano playing-filling our home and the talent show with the love of music.

To touring college spaces with your brother, enjoying Chicago and Minnesota, cheering him on, wearing your St. Olaf gear every chance you get.

 

 

To your silly, crazy story telling, incredible game playing, dancing girl self.  

The truth is that you've been a teenager longer than your age has counted.  Growing up as the third and youngest child, you've always been wise beyond your years.  You've watched your siblings do incredible things-and decided that you would quickly dive in and make life your own.

You're so wise, talented, and full of life.  You always have a million questions and you're never afraid to ask.  In general, you're also just not afraid of much (other than flies and bugs).  A couple of times a week, you ride the city bus to the library after school, plop down, and study or read--talking to people and asking them how their day is going.  You're not afraid to engage with older adults as you connect with grandmas who crochet and knit, and look forward to the opportunity to babysit people's kiddos.

You are the definition of pure joy and pure crazy.  Even when you're not feeling well, you can always find energy for a good joke, a funny dance move, a dumb You Tube video, or a silly story--and the best part is that you full-on do all of the voices, act out the motions, and often pee your pants because you can't help but make your own self laugh.

As you embark upon the remainder of middle school and start to consider what is next in high school--let me encourage you to not give in to the temptation to diverge from you.  It will be seductive to think you have to look a certain way, sit at a given table, or only raise your hand if you think you're right.  Don't give in to that noise.  

Cling to what you love, who you are, and how you show up in the world.  Be willing to take risks, to go out on a limb, to fail, and then to get back up again--but all on your timeline, not on the demands or expectations of the other.  Your choice to be the most authentic you will serve you well and also make you happy.

As you watch your older sister drive, engage in college exploration, and you miss your brother away at college--know that they are so proud of you.  You are smart, kind, hilarious, edgy, confident, and considerate--and they will always be rooting for you no matter where they are.

Know that dad and I could not love you more.  You are the brightest spot in the day, the purest of love and joy.  You are our Claire Bear.  And we are SO grateful to celebrate you.

All my love always, Mom

 

Ode to Sam on Your 18th Birthday

 My Dearest Sam,

Happy, Happy 18th Birthday! 

How is it possible that you're soaking in the final few months of senior year, waiting to hear from colleges, preparing for your first trip abroad, spending every free moment with friends, and enjoying the last Prep traditions of leading Freshman Retreat, enjoying Mother/Father/Son masses, competing at Quiz Bowl tournaments, finalizing art portfolios, and sinking into your new favorite Philosophy and AP Government classes?!

Sometimes, when I think of you, I remember this little guy...

 

Only to reflect, in this picture on who I know you to be now...

 both photos taken at Elmwood Park across from our home, but seemingly, a lifetime apart.

 

So much growth happens in 18-years.  It really is remarkable.  And while everyone says to enjoy it because it's fleeting, I haven't fully realized, maybe gratefully, that you've been becoming an incredible young man along the journey.

 

This past year alone has been filled with so much change.  You were home far less working to save money to go on a WWII history trip which dad and I are so incredibly excited for.  When your passport arrived, we all looked at each other and knew that the little blue book symbolized freedom.  

 

The year has also been consumed with a crazy amount of college application writing, creation of fine arts portfolios, scholarship essays, busy AP courses...and back and forth, and back and forth...weighing of the pro's and con's of differing school options.  When I think back to my senior year, I really don't remember it being this hard.  I don't recall college costing five million dollars or feeling like I had as many viable options as you do.  And while we sit and wait for God's plan to unfold, I'm trusting that whether your next adventure takes you to the Chicago land area, the coast of Maine, the beauty of Minnesota, or maybe even close by in Nebraska, that you'll grow right where you're planted.  And this is where you and I are stepping out on a leap of faith praying that all the stars will align, benevolent influences will emerge, money trees will flourish, and guardian angels will watch over as you step into adulthood.

And as you do, I want to say thank you.  Thank you for letting us cheer you on like crazy people at four years of Cross Country meets.  It was a thrill to see your mind and heart push you all the way to the finish line.

 

Thank you for surrounding yourself with an incredible group of rock solid friends that have enriched your life and our families.  It has been a gift to watch your friendship unfold.

 

Thank you for pushing your creativity and serving in a leadership role for Prep's Film/Photography Club trying with each project to learn, stretch, grow and practice honing your skills. 

 Thank you for continuing to cultivate your faith--serving at the Rosebud Reservation, volunteering to lead retreats, sharing your rose at the dinner table, considering God's plan for your future, and for attending mass and sharing what it means to live a life of service.

 

Thank you for putting your family first and helping to look out for your sisters through rides to and from everything and giving good advice along the way.

 

 

 

There's a million spaces of gratitude that I feel for all that you've brought to my life, to our family, and to the world during your 18-years on the planet, but you know me, I have to leave you with a few words as you register to vote, get ready to walk across the commencement stage, sign your acceptance letter to your future college, maybe meet the one just for you, and carve a life of your choosing...

• Wherever you go and whomever you meet, remember who you are.  You have an incredible compass--trust it--you will know when to capitalize on a situation or to run like Hell, and when you don't, call home--we'll talk it through.
• Say yes more than you say no.  It's easy to think that something won't work and that you're not the kind of person who does this or works there or says that---but the truth is, you don't know until you try.  The great illusion is permanence.  Nothing remains the same.  You can always course correct.  And if you take the risk, you will learn something about yourself.  Nothing is wasted.  
• You are worthy. Period.  If anyone tries to convince you otherwise, politely excuse yourself.  You have one precious life.  Live it, fully.  No one gets to make you small or diminish your possibilities in this big world that has room for everyone.
• Nothing that is worth it is easy.  Put the time in.  Commit.  Stretch yourself.  You won't be disappointed.
  
• Live life with a servant heart.  Everyone in this world is valuable.  Give much more than you take.
• Remember to say please and thank you, always.  No excuses.
• Trust that God is with you in every encounter and that when it feels hard, all you have to do is reach out and ask for guidance, and sooner, rather than later, you realize that no matter where you go and or what has happened, you're never really alone.
• It's okay to miss home.  It's always okay to come home.  But before you do, have an adventure first.  Good things happen to those who get out of the house and off their phones.
• If I text you too much, it's because I love you and I'm practicing boundaries.  Thanks in advance for the grace and love.

I think this is the beginning of the list.  I'm sure I'll have many more before we pack the van and drop you off at school, but until then, wow, just wow, 18-years!  I can hardly believe it.  Happy Birthday to my first born, one and only son---I could not love you more.

 

Love, Mama