To Work or Not to Work...Outside of My Home

All I can say is ugh.

I've been feeling a general malaise for the past few days.

Maybe it's the start of school for the big kids.  Maybe it's anxiety over my upcoming half marathon race in Chicago.  Maybe it's that I can't seem to motivate to cross anything off of my to-do list.

Or maybe, it's that I'm reassessing where I'm at, now that I've been an official stay-at-home mama for five years.

The truth is...I hate this damn conversation that I have with myself about every six months.

I should be making money.

I should get out of the house.

I should use my graduate school degree.

Should I work at Starbucks?  Lord knows I could have paid the mortgage off by now with my daily trips.

Should I try to re-enter into the world of mediation and alternative dispute resolution?  After mediating fights between little people day in and day out, I think I have some skin in the game.

Should I look for something full-time even though I still have a half day kindergartner and 20 month old toddler at home?

Should I try to grow my home based jewelry business and enjoy the tax write offs and flexible hours?

Or should I just put my head in the sand and keep staying focused on the kiddos and watching the pennies so that we don't have to overhaul our household until all three are in school?

Should I take up a crack habit or sell my body on the side?

My husband facetiously said that I could be a surrogate mother, to which I replied, I admire those women, but the idea of being pregnant makes me want to hurl.  I'll eat macaroni and cheese for now.

I know I'm not alone in this dilemma that all women struggle with.  The question always seems to be what's the best way to stay focused on the kids, make some money, enjoy some time away, utilize your skill sets, and feel a sense of balance?

Not sure that anyone has cornered the market on it.  I guess we all just live with the trade offs.