Finding Your Passion

I remember I had my first teacher crush on him.

He was amazing.  Alive.  Focused.  On fire.  And definitely, insane. 

He taught English Literature and I couldn't wait to find my seat and watch him do his thing.  He made me love the authors and the works of study because he ate them up.  He made me want to read, to write, to teach, and to consume.  I wanted to be steeped in his passion.

He was the perfect vehicle for channeling passion living in a utopian undergraduate environment where the world was my oyster.

And now, crazily, 17 years later, I find myself asking again...what is my passion?

I've known since I was a little girl that I wanted to be a wife and mother.  It's been very clear that if I was blessed to have babies that they would be my primary focus.

But if we do it right, one day, they will be gone steeped in their own goings ons and focused on discovering their own deal.  And I will be here.

They always say that the money will come, if you follow your passion.  So what is my calling?  What brings me joy and conflict?  Love and frustration?  Longing and exasperation?  Where is the marrow for me?

The more that I ponder.  The more that I get real with me.  I feel that it lies somewhere in the written word.  I'm just unsure of how to get there.

I suppose that's the challenge with harnessing passion...you just have to keep trying, honing, filtering, playing and ultimately, believing until one day, you're there, doing it.