Surrendering to Joy

I'll never forget it.

The days leading up to my wedding were more than mass chaos.

I was working full-time directing a busy youth leadership development program with energetic high school students.

Finalizing a master's capstone project for my graduate school program in conflict resolution.

Feverishly crossing off all of the last minute to-do's for the ceremony, reception and out of town guests.

And I was running.  Almost every morning using the exercise as both stress release and a way to get into my honeymoon bikini.

Then, I got sick.  My body went kaput.  Nothing more to give.

I went to see a massage therapist and her first question before she assessed my body was:

"What do you want from your life?"

And immediately, I started crying and simply said joy.  I just want to be consumed with joy.

To which she replied, then stop fighting.  Let what wants to be, be.  Don't make it something else.

28 days until I get on a plane and run the Chicago half marathon by myself.  No one on the other end of the finish line.  Just me.  Me and my hope.  Me and my strength.

10 miles of running tomorrow morning...11 the next Saturday....and 12 the following.

It's getting close and yet again, through my fear, anxiety, and expectations, I'm praying for joy.

Let me be open to surrendering to joy.