April 17, 2025
My Dearest Ray,
Happy, Happy 21st Anniversary!
On this beautiful, sunshiny Thursday, I am so grateful to be standing next to you.
It's just incredible to me that in this moment of multiple crossroads, we're embarking upon so much transition.
In two weeks, I'll turn 50. A few weeks later, we'll move Sam out of his dorm as he completes his sophomore year of college. The following day, Claire will graduate from 8th grade. And the following week, Kate will graduate from high school.
Most of the time, we're running ragged keeping up with school and extracurricular events for the kids, maintaining careers, volunteering in the community, making sure the laundry gets done, the trash gets taken out, and somebody goes to Costco-usually you.
We text each other constantly-connecting on who's doing what, expressing apologies for being short or thanks for picking up Claire, asking for prayers for a challenging day, and strewn in between the to and fro's are a million I love you, I love you, I love you's.
When I reflect on 21-years of marriage it feels spectacular-not because of the big things, but because of the million little moments of support and partnership that add up to a beautiful, messy, complicated, crazy life.
It's the times when I say--I don't think I can do this/I'm so overwhelmed or what's going to happen when she graduates or how can we all travel there when he studies abroad or can you believe our baby will be driving or what if my business tanks or I never fall back asleep at night--and you say, it's okay, we're okay, you're okay...we're right where we're supposed to be.
Every year, you take the annual material (willow, linen, iron, etc.) and you find a way to carve or weave in the vows that you wrote and committed to me on our wedding day. I love all of the words-but one stanza I cling to:
"I vow to hold your hand if you are frightened,
Stand firm if you are unsure,
Protect you from any harm I can,
And stand together with you against any adversity."
You know that most of the time I'm anxious and worried, and while it can feel burdensome, you never seem to tire from listening to my, "Oh no, what if this happens" version of a story. You walk me through what I can control and you remind me that I'm a good person and that our kids, my clients, and our family/friends are lucky to have me. You encourage me to believe in myself and give me the foundation to manifest the dreams/hopes and vision I have for my life.
Last fall, we made a dream trip to Lake Como and spent time in Italy and Switzerland-just you and I. Sharing espresso, gelato, and lots of walking, we remembered what it was like to be just the two of us and what it felt like to dream side by side. Next year, we'll be in Copenhagen visiting Sam while he studies abroad and I can hardly wait for our whole family to be together in Europe watching another dream come true.
So, as we age and grow old together, I say thank you for picking me. Thank you for nurturing us. Thank you for sacrificing and believing in our union. Thank you for taking so much time big and small to show me and our now adult/growing children that you meant what you said all those years ago-that a vow is more than a word--it's an action, a continual choice, a decision to do something even when it's inconvenient or exhausting, a reliable/dependable/loyal/committed doing and being in the world.
Here's to a new year and the gift of aging together. I can't wait to see what it feels like to have two kids in college, one in high school, and you and me, holding each other's hands, laughing, crying, wondering, believing in what can be.
I love you--I love you more--I love you most--You do?--I do, always,
Kelly
