To Commit

On New Year's Eve, my twelve-year old son, Sam and I had a dialogue about resolutions.

He pondered,

"Why do people drive themselves crazy resolving to do something that they're not really going to carry out?"

"This is indeed the question," I replied.  "I guess, they view the start of the year as a new opportunity.  A time to try again or to begin something that they want to change in their lives."

"Yeah, but, if they really meant it, they wouldn't need to wait until tomorrow.  They'd just do it," he retorted.

And then, we talked about the difference between committing to something and just doing it when you feel like it.  I told him that when you make a real commitment, you've put your word, your integrity, your pledge behind it.  And your word needs to stand for something.  This is why we make a commitment to a marriage or a job or being a parent or doing a science paper or participating on a speech team.  Committing to another person or activity means that you'll show up, even when, sometimes, especially when, you don't want to or you don't feel like it.

He explained that many of his commitments are involuntary.  He never asked to memorize 26 countries of the Middle East by Friday.  He preferred to label that an obligation with an expectation of doing well versus a commitment.  I told him that as a member of the family, he had an internal commitment to be a strong student and to try his best.  And that ultimately, studying for his Geography test over break, even though it was involuntarily forced upon him, would create a habit of discipline and follow-through that would serve him well.

He said, "Do you always want to run?"

"Hell no...especially when it's cold or I'm tired or my legs hurt or I'm mad or I'm sick of my play list or I just don't have it in me or I have 5 million other things that would be way more fun or...you get it," I said.

Commitment is about doing it regardless of feeling.

Which in and of itself is a bitch.  But we also recognize over the long haul that most of our commitments have served us well.  They've honed, refined, sharpened us in ways we didn't appreciate in the moment, but are grateful for now.

Here's to the commitments we're making in 2018, may we reflect on the back breaking frustration, knowing that the work, day over day, made us better.