Do Hard Things

The other day I had a coveted phone conversation with a really good friend.

I just adore her.

We'd been trying to catch up for some time and so to hear her voice was glorious.

As we traded war stories about the rough, vulnerable and uncertain parts of our journeys, I was reminded of one of my favorite quotes by author/Momastery blogger Glennon Doyle Melton...

"We can do hard things." She has the phrase framed in her kitchen.

And for the first time in a while, the gravity of the words sunk in.

There are many times, probably more than I want to admit, when I'm faced with situations that don't add up or at the very least that I don't want to contend with.  An unexpected plumbing problem the day before Thanksgiving, a job loss during the month of Christmas, sick kids getting picked up from school, a family argument that makes no sense, a visit from Aunt Flo in the midst.

And while it's happening, I'm mindful that for the most part, these circumstances are temporary and that even though I may not have been here before, I can do hard things.  I can do that which is tedious and monotonous like making the kids' lunches for the umpteenth time or washing the girls' hair or flying through the aisles of the grocery store with a screaming child....to the unpredictable ones like losing a job and worrying about where to turn next...to the mentally and physically laborious ones that stretch me far outside of my comfort zone.

The point is...I can do hard things and I need to.  I need to be stretched when I least expect it...out on a limb, anxious, scrambling, worried, hopeful, fearful...all in the same breath.

Because when I do, the really good Kelly steps up to the plate...the 11th hour Kelly...the one who kicks ass and cleans house.  The girl who I've seen rise up before and who I trust will take care of business when the time comes.

The problem is, she doesn't get called on enough because she gets lazy and comfortable and auto-piloty.

As my sweet friend told me this morning, the only thing that is inevitable is change and the only thing that is permanent is love....and when you choose love in the midst of fear, love always wins.

Here's to doing the hard things.  The things we don't want to do.  The things we think we can't do.  The things we think we shouldn't have to do.  Here's to catapulting ourselves into the throws of the hard, the difficult, the mundane, the unknown trusting that our best selves will rise to the occasion.

Vulnerability

Everywhere I turn lately,

I'm hearing messages about the importance of "showing up," even if, or especially if, I'm not prepared, perfect, or in bullet-proof form ready to embrace the opportunity in front of me.

So, as I was preparing my kiddos for their Halloween festivities this weekend...

Side Note: Claire is Snow White. Kate is "Toothless," from the book series "How to Train Your Dragon."  And Sam is a Master Ninja. 

I was mindful of the ways that we project who we are to the world.  The masks that we wear particularly, when we're feeling unsure or afraid.  The disguises that help us to navigate uncharted territory.

What do we want them to think?  Are we tough?  Bookish?  Funny?  Beautiful?  Whimsical?  Successful?  In high-demand?  How much work do we put into the shell instead of letting the raw hang out there for everyone to react the way that they will?

I've recently stumbled upon a blog and New York Times best selling author that I love.  Glennon Doyle Melton.  Her blog is Momastery and her book is  Carry On Warrior.  It's really off-the-charts fabulous.  A compilation of her blog excerpts, she cultivates an appreciation for what it means to "show up" even when none of it makes sense, feels good, or was a part of the plan...whatever the plan was.  She's down to earth, real, raw and for me, completely relatable.

Immediately, it struck a chord.  How many times do I tell myself that I'll begin (insert project or activity) when I'm (insert conditional behavior).  For example, I'll swim at the pool with my kids when I lose 10 pounds.  Until then, I'll take them, but I won't take off my cover-up or get into the water.  I'll start looking for another job or work on my resume after the first of the year.  I'll call to talk to a friend about how they're doing post the divorce once I give them some more time to process it.  And then, you realize that it's been a month or six months.  And you run into that friend in the grocery store and you're embarrassed that you haven't reached out.  Or you realize that your kids don't want to swim with you anymore, they're more interested in their friends.

One of the comments that I hear about my blog is that it's crazy how I'm willing to be so personal or so vulnerable with the world.  And am I not worried that a potential future employer will be doing their due diligence and stumble upon my dirty laundry.  I did worry about that for a bit.  I wondered why it was so easy to share the parts of me that many would reserve only for a close-knit group of folks.

And then I realized that our entire human existence is based on being vulnerable.  If the only reason that we are here is to love, well, there is no greater place of vulnerability and truth than in the land of love.

And after plenty of time in corporate and not-for-profit environments and now at home, I've decided that my life is too short to spend it in a mask walking up and down halls in and out of meetings trying to be something that I'm not.

I am who I am.  Messy, imperfect, contradictory, hopeful, beautiful, frustrating, and loving.  I am here for a reason.  Unfortunately, I don't know for how long.  So, my purpose is to spend my time being as vulnerable, as true to "me" as I can be for the benefit of my Master Ninja, "Toothless" dragon and Snow White princess.

And when I think about that, it's really not that hard at all.  It's kind of freeing.