Ode to 19-Years of Marriage

 

April 17, 2023

 

My Dearest Ray,

Happy, Happy 19th Anniversary!

I love that I'll be reading this ode to you at Costco, as we get tires installed on the cars while the kids are at school--a beautiful symbolic window into our jam-packed, crazy busy life.

What a wild ride we've had for almost two decades--but this particular ode stands out as a representation of a really special, emotional season in our marriage.

In a month, Sam will walk across the stage to receive his high school diploma, and then shortly after board a plane for Europe to experience his first time abroad.  Wasn't he just getting his first pair of glasses and talking about being old enough to get braces?

 

And now, Kate is learning to drive while interviewing for a fashion design mentorship program.  Wasn't she just twirling around in her first ballet class, and now she's learning how to merge into traffic?

And Claire is making a strong case for having her own room when Sam heads off to college at the end of the summer.  Wasn't she just at the Children's Museum face painting?

Weren't they all small enough that we could hold them on our hips, walk them home from school, play board games, and have everyone in bed by 9pm?

****

How did we get here, sweetheart?  They're kind of grown up.  

 And while we see this independence and self-sufficiency shine through and keep checking things off the graduation party to-do list, I can't help but think--thank God it's been you by my side through it all.

Thank God it's you who regulates my nervous system by taking me on a walk, making me a cup of coffee/tea, texting me an encouragement, helping Claire with her homework, preparing nightly dinner, and reminding me that it's not just going to be okay--that it is okay.

Thank God it's you who says fear doesn't get to have the last word, let's try love instead.

Thank God it's you who knows how to trouble shoot crazy ass household shit, change light bulbs, deal with appliances, analyze weird car sounds, and change out infinite printer cartridges.

Thank God for second and third and fourth and infinite chances and do-overs.  You hand them out plentily and give me a hug when I realize my own absurdity.

Thank God for the desire to try harder and to do better; and then, the humanity that says, I can't do this anymore and the ways you rise up to meet me where I am. 

Thank God that we're inches away from a college decision for Sam.  As you know, I only have three hairs left on my head and feel so, so tired from all of the uncertainty; and simultaneously, so, so excited for what is to come in his new chapter of life.

Thank God that you prioritize God and your faith; and start your mornings on your knees in gratitude for all that God continues to give, and regularly recite the serenity prayer for when we don't understand, but choose to trust anyway.

Thank God that you take good care of yourself physically and model to our children the importance of movement, healthy eating habits, and your intentional choice to not distract yourself with destructive habits that I see time and again in mediation.

Thank God that you love me--all of me--and that you take me on my terms and remind me of my strengths, my passions, my dreams, my hopes, and the countless ways that things have worked out in the past-even when I was certain that the rug would finally be pulled out, and the jig would be up.

****

Nineteen years feels like an eternity and a blip.  As we embark upon this new year of marriage, may you know that I could not love you more; and yet, I know that this time next year, I will. 

I don't know what God has in store for us and for our family; but I do know that come what may, I will be holding your hand, choosing you, every step of the way, today, tomorrow, and always.

 

You make everything better.  Happy Anniversary, Sweetheart.  

All my love, Kelly