Ode to Claire on Your 10th Birthday

December 14, 2020

My Dearest Claire,

Oh my goodness...you are DOUBLE DIGITS!

Because you are the youngest, it feels like you are always wanting to be big, and today, you've finally reached the pinnacle of what it means to be 10!

And, what does it mean to be 10?

Well, for starters...it means fourth grade with the most amazing teacher on the planet who has nurtured a love of reading and writing.  Often, your nose is buried deep stories about dragons, wizards, adventuring sisters, and crazy escapades of fantasy and science fiction.  Currently, you are on the 9th "Wings of Fire" series book and you can't seem to get enough of the characters.

When you're not reading, you're journaling--all of your thoughts and feelings and hopes.  Recently, you started a gratitude notebook to document the goodness in your life, and to remind you that blessings abound.  Usually when you're writing, you're also listening to music--and man alive do you love a wide range of genres and musicians.  By far and away, your favorite is Hamilton.  You know all of the words, can do all of the dances (especially to King George), participated in a scene from the musical during your 3rd grade talent show, and are knowledgeable of so much more U.S. History than I ever was it your age. If it ever works out that we can see the production beyond Disney Plus, we will be there.

 

If I had to select a space to showcase your heart, it would be in the Taekwondo studio.  This is your third year of taking classes, and most recently, you advanced to a Red belt.  The best way to describe it is that you are not afraid.  As one of the smaller students, you can spar with people twice your size and not flinch.  You can memorize form, language, and do your due diligence of endurance exercises.  You break boards, do countless push-ups, sit-ups, and squats, and are tough--which my God will serve you so well.

 

Most recently, you've discovered a love of archery.  And for your birthday, you received a bow, arrows and lessons.  And you know what...you're a decent shot.  Diving into this unknown territory is just another example of your willingness to jump, to try, to explore, and to believe that the world is for the taking.  This giant piece of your spirit is one of the things that we love so much about you.

This past summer, we took a beautiful family trip to Estes-you rode horses, went hiking, biked all around town, enjoyed loads upon loads of ice cream and declared that you would live on a ranch and own horses.  This prompted us to watch the live action version of "Black Beauty" where you fell in love with every  horse on screen.

In general, you adore animals and have been begging for a dog.  It seems like everyone has gotten a four-legged creature during the pandemic--and in your dreams, we would have a golden retriever.  If it was a boy, we'd name him Scout.  A girl-we'd name her Honey.  Much to your chagrin, we haven't acquiesced, but I have a feeling that it won't be long and we will.

Speaking of passions, you also love to do the Mini New York Times crossword puzzle every morning, and also take a family stab at the Spelling Bee where we work hard to guess a million different spellings of words with only 6 designated letters.  You usually pull a word out that we never thought of just in the nick of time.

 

The truth is Claire-you are beyond extraordinary.  You make us laugh with your endless jokes. You amaze us with your kicks and Hutzpah, you intrigue us with the stories you write, you exhaust us with your requests for horses and dogs, and you remind us regularly that life is for the living.  

Please know as you grow, that you are deeply loved for the weird, wacky, crazy, feisty, beast of a ball of heart you are.  When you wonder if you're too much--don't.  The world needs more guttural laughs, full bodied smiles, kee-yah's, karate kicks, and bow/arrow slinging women.  

 As you embark upon this new year, may you meet each challenge with fearlessness and hopefulness.

Love you to the moon and back,

Mama

Ode to Kate on Your 13th Birthday

July 8, 2020

My Dearest Kate,

Happy, Happy 13th Birthday!

How can it be?  You're a teenager!!  And, because you're such an amazingly creative one--you made you're own birthday cake...Devil's Food with layers of vanilla and chocolate buttercream frosting, sides of milk chocolate and macadamia nuts along with maraschino cherries to top it off!

And this cake is a great representation of where you love to find yourself these days...baking all kinds of macarons--vanilla mint, stawberry citrus--you name it, you're working to perfect the recipe and asking how old you have to be to work in a bakery.

But this is just scratching the surface...you love, love, love to create.  And since we've been home during quarantine, you've done plenty of it--whether you're sewing, painting, digitally drawing or playing a song on the piano, you're always bringing beauty into the world. 

And to that end, ballet still lives strong in your heart.  This year, we saw a dream emerge as you garnered your first pair of pointe shoes and danced again in the Omaha Dance Project.

And while you continue to create, you continue to exude brilliance. It's still very important to you to take your time, to do the work well, and to stay passionate and curious about what might be around the corner to take the project to the next level.  We absolutely love this about you.

A few weeks ago, we went on a much needed family vacation to Estes Park, Colorado.  We'd been cooped up in doors for weeks on end worried about the state of the world enduring a global pandemic.  Together, with Grandma Bonnie, Aunt Lisa, and Uncle Cory we climbed mountains, rode on our bikes, made dinner together, played games at night, ate ice cream and taffy every chance we got, and talked about what it means to be a family, and to remember how much you are loved and valued.

And in a really special way, Aunt Lisa crafted a "13-days of celebrating Kate extravaganza" complete with thoughtful cards, gifts and kindness--but the final day, she presented you with a gift that was so special.

The engraved bracelet says, "You are loved. You are valued. You are beautiful."

Becoming a young woman is a tricky business.  The world will teach you that you have to be all sorts of things to be deemed worthy.  And, because you haven't had enough life experience, you'll be tempted to buy into the premise that you have to turn yourself inside out to try to win their praises.  The truth is that your only job is to cling deeply to yourself.  The weirder, smarter, kinder, gentler, louder, more fiercely "you" the better.  There is only one Kate Gering and she is magnificent--and we are all better because you are here.

As you grow (which, can we talk about that for a second?  You're already 5 and a half feet tall and wear the same shoe size as me??!!), which inevitably you will keep doing--now, more than ever, know this in your heart--you are extraordinary--you are deeply loved--you are incredibly wanted.  You never have to prove yourself or change yourself to be loved.  You, the perfectly imperfect you is more than enough.

So, as we celebrate you becoming teenager, lean on your family.  We're crazy.  We curse.  We're a little socially inappropriate.  We love to tell silly stories.  We like to have fun.  We are your people.  And, we will be there for you through all of the ups and downs.  All of the seasons.  All of the uncertainties and unknowns.  You can count on us.

We could not love you more.  We could not be more grateful for you.  We cannot wait to see all of the amazing things you birth into the world. 

Stay weird.  Stay amazing.  Stay true.  Be you. 

Love you beyond words,

Mama



 

Ode to 45

Today, I turn 45...years old.

Claire's reaction on the left looks like, "Hells to the yes!  Let's do this!"

Kate's response on the right is more like, "Oh my goodness, that's a big number."

And sandwiched in the middle, I'm feeling like, well, here I am.

Let's begin by saying that I've been pretty angsty about today...and not because it's 2020 and we're in the middle of a global pandemic, but because well, at 45...I think you're supposed to have your shit together.

But for some reason, I feel like I'm just getting started.

Really, I do.

****

In my 20's, I finished graduate school, got married, bought a house, had a baby.  In my 30's, I quit my job, stayed home for a decade, raised my now three babies, ran races, wrote a blog, and wondered if I'd ever see Tuscany and a business suit again.  In my 40's, I found myself teaching at a university, starting my own conflict resolution practice, watching my babies turn into big people-one of them much taller than me-and discovered the real meaning of running my own race.  I also got to go on date nights without paying for a babysitter, and began having genuine adult-like conversations with my children while writing a book.

So much has changed, and yet, so much is just beginning.

****

Recently, my best friend from college indulged my ramblings on a long walk.  It went something like this:

Me:  "Grown up 45-year olds live in fancy houses, travel to Fiji, and have cars that aren't vans."

Her:  "Grown up people are boring."

Me:  "Where did I go wrong?  I think it's too late.  I'll never be an Olympian or a Pulitzer Prize winning anything.  And, well, I think I still own a futon.  Fuck."

Her:  "But are you happy?"

Me:  "That's the thing.  I am."

Her:  "Well, then, I'd say, you're lucky."

****

And, that's why, firmly planted in gratitude, here is my ode to my new year.

Ode to
the wrinkles
the gray
the I don't care if she likes me...because I like me
to vulnerability and hope
and sushi and matcha green tea lattes with coconut milk
and to writing the fucking book already
to knowing that I am enough
and sinking deeply into my skin
making amends
saying I love you, because I may not get tomorrow
sucking it up, and taking the high road
trusting my gut--it always knows
taking risks
doing the next right thing
believing in the impossible
to God and the extraordinary ordinary
the sunrise, and the chance to try again
the gift of another year
another run
another chance to say
thank you for me
all of me
may I greet this year with all it has to offer
perfectly
imperfect.

Happy Birthday to me...

Ode to 16-Years

April 17, 2020

My Dearest Ray,

I never imagined that we'd celebrate our 16th wedding anniversary in the middle of a global pandemic.

An author recently coined this time the "Great Pause,"... a collective deep breath of uninvited, unexpected, necessary reflection.

And so, in gratitude with so much time to consider us...

Thank you...that during this time of roller coaster uncertainty, fear, and exhaustion, you know me so well to gently nudge media out of my hands, wrap your arms around me, and remind me of what is real and enduring.

Thank you...that planning to spend our 16th anniversary on a Friday night playing Scrabble with the kids, while eating an insane amount of popcorn doesn't feel like a let-down--because your love for our family passionately parallels mine.

Thank you for making all of the meals in our home so much better than I could, and for crafting the perfect carrot cake. 

Thank you...for honoring us by believing in who we are as individuals first.  You indulge my two cents on the latest podcast interview, NYT article, memoir I'm reading, political grappling, theory about how the world should work--and even if you don't agree--you let me have my time in the sun--with zero interest in changing me.  We share ideas, honor the differences, and move on.

Thank you for having boundless energy when I do not...and for never keeping score...because Lord knows, I owe you.

Thank you for teaching me that a 16+year love with two people in their "mid-lives" is messy, tiring, steadfast, ordinary, brave, magical, and filled with little to no bull shit.  This usually shows up in your show-me, don't tell-me way of loving each of us so fiercely.

Thank you for always doing the next right thing.

Thank you for your big, crazy, infectious laugh--the one that says, life is for the living and damn it, that was funny as hell.

Thank you for your love of God, and the way you model a life of lived faith and service to our children.

Thank you for taking the time, long before the Great Pause, to call your mom regularly, to find the perfect fabric for Kate's latest costume design...to attend every one of Claire's taekwondo lessons memorizing her form while she does...to listen to Sam while he painstakingly teaches himself how to play the guitar...and for consistently encouraging me to write the book in my heart.

Thank you for saying yes in a million little ways over and over again to us.

During the Great Pause, I am the luckiest....to get the gift of stopping dead in my tracks to look at you, us, and these three children of ours...if I thanked you daily, it would not be enough.

Happy Anniversary, My Love,

Kelly

Ode to Sam on Your 15th Birthday

February 8, 2020

My Dearest Sam,

Happy, Happy, Happy 15th Birthday!

In a few short hours, dad and I will collect you from your Freshman Retreat.  You've spent the past few days immersed in a tradition at Prep that generations have shared, and men have looked back at as transformational and connective.  We can think of no better way to begin the journey into your 15th year than connected to the Holy Spirit and your peers.

I'm not certain how to capture what an extraordinary past year this has been for you as a young man.  So much has transpired...and growth in every way has been the fruit.

You were confirmed at Saint Margaret Mary's...

 

After 9-years of education, you graduated from SMM...

You made the trek to Washington, D.C. with your class mates...

You spent the summer having fun with friends at Kitaki, while also learning the value of manual labor, work ethic, and brutal hours detasseling corn...

You received a scholarship to attend Creighton Prep High School, and have blown us out of the water with the effort and commitment you've made to honors classes and a course load you've excelled at.

You experienced your first Homecoming, Mother/Son and Father/Son masses, and learned how to tie a tie!

But if I had to pick one of the spaces that has been awe-inspiring, it was watching you take on the commitment and experience of running your own race on the Cross Country team.  Having never been a runner, it was extraordinary to witness your choice to run miles daily with your team mates, and to cheer you on at the races.  You had no desire to win a medal.  You just wanted to see how far you could go, and to cross the finish line.  You were humble, consistent, and open to the experience.  And as a fellow runner, I was never more grateful than when you cheered and ran with me as I completed a half marathon.  Knowing that you know what it feels like to push through the discomfort, I was grateful that we have a new found connection.

And meanwhile, you're deep in the throws of finishing your experience as a Boy Scout...planning your Eagle Scout project, and finalizing all of these years of camping, merit badge earning, and life skill attending.  One of my favorite memories was the final hike/camping trip you took with dad.

We have so many memories this past year of traveling and celebrating as a family...so many fights, so many words, so many I'm sorry's, so many hopes, so many silly jokes/stories/free-falls...

And in variably, because you are the oldest, and now officially, the tallest in our family, you have carried the burden of our learning.  We have placed immense expectation and hope on your ability to fully actualize your potential, to be kind to those you meet, to not subscribe to behavior that demeans another or makes them feel like they don't have a place in the group or an invite to the party.  And, we know that we ask a lot of you.

But man, Sam...you are the real deal in every way.  You are brilliant and kind and good-spirited.  You have empathy and a conscience that says I'm not going to go there, because in the end, it's just not right.  You are gracious and value humility.  You are a self-professed minimalist and can't understand why people need to have/buy so many things.  In the end, you believe that as long as we have each other, we have everything we need.

As we stare down this new 15th year, you'll become even more independent--getting your Learner's permit, taking Driver's Ed, hanging out with your buddies, starting up your lawn mowing business, traveling to camps, and in general being away from home will be more of the norm than being with us.  And, when I'm being honest, that makes me sad...but also happy for you.  You deserve every goodness that God has in store for you...today, and every day.

So, as we celebrate you--know that we could not possibly love you more...or be more proud and inspired by the young man you are.  You make us so honored to call you son.

All our love,

Mom and Dad