Become Clear

My daughter, Kate and I were having a dialogue.

She needed to make a decision and felt torn.

One friend was doing one thing and the other, chose an entirely different path.

She could see the benefits and usefulness of both choices and was struggling.

That's when I said, it doesn't matter what they would do, what would Kate do?

To which she replied, "That's the problem.  I have no idea."

"Well, that's not entirely true.  You know a few things about yourself, right.  Rarely do you do things on a whim.  You're incredibly intentional.  You are loyal.  Quality matters.  And given the other things you've taken on in your life, we know that once you pick something, you see it through.  So, be guided by your values...creativity, intention and durability," I offered, "Be clear about what matters to you and then you'll know."

"Okay, I guess I have some thinking to do," she muttered and headed to her room.

Our chat had me thinking that this is the crux of the life deal.  The world is filled with so many voices screaming, "Do this.  Be that.  If you're really committed, you'll buy this.  Watch what I did and you too can be rich, thin, happy, healthy, fit, educated, engaged, hopeful."  Sometimes, the voices and the messengers delivering them are so loud and so invasive, that we cannot hear our own hearts, the cries of our own yearnings.  It can be overwhelming and confusing.

And this is when I need to force myself to get clear on what matters to me...not to my dearest friends whom I love to pieces...or to my mother or father who only want the best for me...or even to my husband who is infinitely supportive but has his own world view...I must make space, deep space, intimate space to figure out what feels right for the only person who can inhabit me, me.

And this is not easy.  It feels good to do what others are doing.  There is a sense of peace with falling in line with the majority.  It is comforting to live in the known and isolating to be on the periphery, facing the unknown based on an individualistic choice to choose uncharted territory.

It's also humbling and terrifying to discover that your gut choice may not have added up to the right choice.

But it is an honest way to live.  And in a world brimming with noise, choices and distraction, the one real thing to be is clear.  Clear about who you are, what you want, where your lines in the sand are and what you're willing to do to live in that space.

Becoming clear feels like freedom.

In the end, Kate made a new path.  I stood and continue to stand in admiration.