Between drug induced semi-sleep episodes, cough drops, Airborne and the shuffling of kid duties, I've decided that I'm a miserable patient.
I don't do being sick very well.
I sulk. I complain and in general, I hate staring at the paint drying on the wall thinking of all of the things that I could be doing, that I should be doing, that I'd rather be doing.
And yet, do you notice that when the shit hits the fan and you're absolutely down for the count that creativity abounds. You're stuck with yourself, your thoughts, and well, a nice big box of kleenex.
So, I started thinking about all of the things that I want to do when I get out of this stupor. The first is to say, "thank you" to the people who stepped up. The second is to run, and run, and run, and run. And the third is to create a vision board.
My best friend did this many moons ago and it helped her both to visualize and to keep front and center those goals/dreams that were most important to her. Up on my dream board...a picture of Tuscany, a picture of me crossing the finish line at the Half Marathon race, a bikini, and a debt line that equals zero.
Here's to chasing my dreams...achoo...just as soon as I chase away this damn cold.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Another Day in Paradise
What a weekend...
Mid-day on Saturday, I started to get sick. It was probably the result of stress. I'd finished co-organizing a large event and was grateful that it went well, and that it was done.
I spent all day Sunday in bed while my rock star husband made pancakes, schlepped kids off to the zoo, taught the baby to walk, and brought me tea and ibuprofen around the clock.
And now, its Monday morning and I still feel like shit...not a little bit of shit, but a big old helping. Sneezing, coughing, aching, sore throat...I sound like a commercial.
And yet, life goes on. Kids still need to get to school and activities. The baby needs to test out her new walking moves, the dishes continue to pile, we need to make a meal for 25 at church tonight and somehow disinfect the hell out of this joint so that no one else takes the fall.
This is the joy of raising little ones while life happens. I'm getting ready to stand on my head and ingest liquid crack soon all in the name of rapid recovery. Because unfortunately, we can't afford for mama to be down for the count much longer.
Mid-day on Saturday, I started to get sick. It was probably the result of stress. I'd finished co-organizing a large event and was grateful that it went well, and that it was done.
I spent all day Sunday in bed while my rock star husband made pancakes, schlepped kids off to the zoo, taught the baby to walk, and brought me tea and ibuprofen around the clock.
And now, its Monday morning and I still feel like shit...not a little bit of shit, but a big old helping. Sneezing, coughing, aching, sore throat...I sound like a commercial.
And yet, life goes on. Kids still need to get to school and activities. The baby needs to test out her new walking moves, the dishes continue to pile, we need to make a meal for 25 at church tonight and somehow disinfect the hell out of this joint so that no one else takes the fall.
This is the joy of raising little ones while life happens. I'm getting ready to stand on my head and ingest liquid crack soon all in the name of rapid recovery. Because unfortunately, we can't afford for mama to be down for the count much longer.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Happy 100
I'm writing my 100th post for "Kelly's Hot Mess."
I started this blog four months ago and am so glad that I did. Apparently, I had a lot that I needed to get off my chest, out of my head, and into the world.
What I didn't expect to find was the unbelievable camaraderie that would ensue with each post. It has been so encouraging to hear from those of you mothers, wives, fathers, husbands...friends who can relate. I'm grateful to know that I'm not alone.
I'm also thankful that I've taken the thoughts from my heart beyond my journal and moved them to a more communal setting where they can take on a life of their own.
Thank you for sharing in my journey, for cultivating our friendship and for reminding me that even though we may be miles away...we're always connected.
I started this blog four months ago and am so glad that I did. Apparently, I had a lot that I needed to get off my chest, out of my head, and into the world.
What I didn't expect to find was the unbelievable camaraderie that would ensue with each post. It has been so encouraging to hear from those of you mothers, wives, fathers, husbands...friends who can relate. I'm grateful to know that I'm not alone.
I'm also thankful that I've taken the thoughts from my heart beyond my journal and moved them to a more communal setting where they can take on a life of their own.
Thank you for sharing in my journey, for cultivating our friendship and for reminding me that even though we may be miles away...we're always connected.
Friday, January 27, 2012
The Gift of the Here and Now
You know what's debilitating?
Not being here...no, I don't mean at my kitchen table writing this, I mean in the present.
If you're anything like me, you replay memories/images from the past and reel toward anticipation/expectation for future events.
You have an idea of how you want things to go down and you start to play out the scenario in your head. And then pretty soon you've relived a past event or created a fictional future event so many times, that you've completely missed out on whatever is right in front of you.
Why is it so hard to stay in the present? To be aware of the breath? Mindful of the moment. Content in the now. Because really, that's all that we have. No more, no less.
It's funny how powerful that the mind is...the more that we detach from the body and stay cerebral, the more that we can recreate things that may have never existed or create fear for future dilemmas that may never transpire. And yet again, then we have lost the moment yet again...unable to retrieve the present.
Running has served as a powerful tool for me to shift gears. I have no choice but to be connected to my legs, my heart, my arms, my breath, and the motivation in my mind. I'm grateful to be smack-dab in the now when I'm in motion....slowly re-learning how to appreciate the gift of the here and now.
Not being here...no, I don't mean at my kitchen table writing this, I mean in the present.
If you're anything like me, you replay memories/images from the past and reel toward anticipation/expectation for future events.
You have an idea of how you want things to go down and you start to play out the scenario in your head. And then pretty soon you've relived a past event or created a fictional future event so many times, that you've completely missed out on whatever is right in front of you.
Why is it so hard to stay in the present? To be aware of the breath? Mindful of the moment. Content in the now. Because really, that's all that we have. No more, no less.
It's funny how powerful that the mind is...the more that we detach from the body and stay cerebral, the more that we can recreate things that may have never existed or create fear for future dilemmas that may never transpire. And yet again, then we have lost the moment yet again...unable to retrieve the present.
Running has served as a powerful tool for me to shift gears. I have no choice but to be connected to my legs, my heart, my arms, my breath, and the motivation in my mind. I'm grateful to be smack-dab in the now when I'm in motion....slowly re-learning how to appreciate the gift of the here and now.
Him or Me
He leaves before 8am and takes the oldest to school.
He contends with stressful deadlines and sometimes frustrating clients.
He's responsible for a good number of billable hours and documentation.
I chauffeur kids to and from school, ballet, music, the grocery store, and play dates.
I make meals, draw baths, monitor spelling tests, and make sure that the house is in some stage of order. And, I do dishes...lots of dishes.
He listens to needy clients. I try to tolerate a whiny, teething baby.
He negotiates contracts. I negotiate with a 4 going on 35-year old.
He utilizes technology for efficiency and I use it to stay in touch with the world, so I'm not so isolated.
Sometimes, I miss meetings, an office, a business card, a strategy session, a project deadline.
Many times, he misses staying in pajamas, making french toast, and face painting.
So, who has it harder? Him or me? On any given day, we commiserate about the challenges of parenting three little ones while holding down the fort and staying afloat in a job. 2012 marks five-years that I've been at home full-time, I can hardly believe it. Where has the time gone? Changing diapers, making bottles, and reading stories, I suppose. I'm certain that I wouldn't want to switch places with my husband permanently, but the truth is being at home day in and day out, is exhausting, isolating, and insanely beautiful.
I guess we'll both just keep plugging away with the recognition that keeping score is helpful for no one. Everyone has a role to play. We both just wish on most any day that we could be in Tuscany kidless...just for a little while.
He contends with stressful deadlines and sometimes frustrating clients.
He's responsible for a good number of billable hours and documentation.
I chauffeur kids to and from school, ballet, music, the grocery store, and play dates.
I make meals, draw baths, monitor spelling tests, and make sure that the house is in some stage of order. And, I do dishes...lots of dishes.
He listens to needy clients. I try to tolerate a whiny, teething baby.
He negotiates contracts. I negotiate with a 4 going on 35-year old.
He utilizes technology for efficiency and I use it to stay in touch with the world, so I'm not so isolated.
Sometimes, I miss meetings, an office, a business card, a strategy session, a project deadline.
Many times, he misses staying in pajamas, making french toast, and face painting.
So, who has it harder? Him or me? On any given day, we commiserate about the challenges of parenting three little ones while holding down the fort and staying afloat in a job. 2012 marks five-years that I've been at home full-time, I can hardly believe it. Where has the time gone? Changing diapers, making bottles, and reading stories, I suppose. I'm certain that I wouldn't want to switch places with my husband permanently, but the truth is being at home day in and day out, is exhausting, isolating, and insanely beautiful.
I guess we'll both just keep plugging away with the recognition that keeping score is helpful for no one. Everyone has a role to play. We both just wish on most any day that we could be in Tuscany kidless...just for a little while.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Time Rich
When someone says, "Wow, you must have a lot of time on your hands," it's usually a negative connotation...insinuating that you have nothing better to do...nothing meaningful or important in your world.
Not sure how that transformation happened in our society. Because really, isn't the wealthiest man the one who has time...not the one who is constantly scrambling to get another thing crammed into the 24-hours that we all have?
Lately, I've had an abundance of time on my hands. I think this is because it's winter. We're not outdoors nearly as much as we are when it's sunny and warm. I've been exercising early in the morning which has added an extra two hours to my day that I'm usually in bed. And, the added energy has kept my waking hours more productive.
So, I've been writing in my head. More than my blog. I've been writing a short story of sorts. I'm hoping that it can morph more into a novel...but it just seems to be pouring out. And my big question is, what am I to do with this? I mean really, it's not like it's going to get published or that I have the cash to self-publish it...so, maybe I'll attach it by chapter here.
And if I do, you'll have to let me know what you think.
Not sure how that transformation happened in our society. Because really, isn't the wealthiest man the one who has time...not the one who is constantly scrambling to get another thing crammed into the 24-hours that we all have?
Lately, I've had an abundance of time on my hands. I think this is because it's winter. We're not outdoors nearly as much as we are when it's sunny and warm. I've been exercising early in the morning which has added an extra two hours to my day that I'm usually in bed. And, the added energy has kept my waking hours more productive.
So, I've been writing in my head. More than my blog. I've been writing a short story of sorts. I'm hoping that it can morph more into a novel...but it just seems to be pouring out. And my big question is, what am I to do with this? I mean really, it's not like it's going to get published or that I have the cash to self-publish it...so, maybe I'll attach it by chapter here.
And if I do, you'll have to let me know what you think.
Down with Guilt
I've been feeling guilty lately.
"Shocker", my friend JM will tell you. "Kelly is the worst offender when it comes to guilt. She'll feel guilty for you, me, herself and anyone else you want her to."
And, it's true. I don't know why, but I often feel guilty about those things I should do, those things I haven't done, those things I should have done differently and those things that are still on the radar.
I'm sure, its just my deep Catholic roots shining through.
That said, to hell with Guilt...literally. I mean, what purpose does it serve. If it would motivate me toward positive change or action, well, then that's another thing. But often, guilt simply leaves me feeling paralyzed and indecisive.
And honestly, in life all things happen for a reason. If we're willing to be quiet with ourselves for a brief moment, we'd see that there are lessons to be learned, awareness to be gained, enlightenment to be had.
So, if today, you're in the shower, your car, your office, your kitchen....and you're feeling bad for something that you did or didn't do...let it go. Focus on that which can and will propel you towards positive change and the rest, well as JM would say, "Focker it!"
"Shocker", my friend JM will tell you. "Kelly is the worst offender when it comes to guilt. She'll feel guilty for you, me, herself and anyone else you want her to."
And, it's true. I don't know why, but I often feel guilty about those things I should do, those things I haven't done, those things I should have done differently and those things that are still on the radar.
I'm sure, its just my deep Catholic roots shining through.
That said, to hell with Guilt...literally. I mean, what purpose does it serve. If it would motivate me toward positive change or action, well, then that's another thing. But often, guilt simply leaves me feeling paralyzed and indecisive.
And honestly, in life all things happen for a reason. If we're willing to be quiet with ourselves for a brief moment, we'd see that there are lessons to be learned, awareness to be gained, enlightenment to be had.
So, if today, you're in the shower, your car, your office, your kitchen....and you're feeling bad for something that you did or didn't do...let it go. Focus on that which can and will propel you towards positive change and the rest, well as JM would say, "Focker it!"
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