Fight for It

Wanting to jump into the new year with a plan of attack, a resolute path, a mission...two weeks in, I quickly learned that change wasn't going to emerge on its' own.

Much to my chagrin, I really was going to have to assess what I wanted and create an action plan to get there.

Four years ago, when I started running, I hated the idea of being beholden to a training plan.  Forced to log in mileage on a near daily basis felt like an anchor of expectation riddled with inherent guilt if I didn't adhere...but slowly over many months, I started to see results and then, I became an addict...a zealot and there was very little that could keep me from lacing up my shoes...not time of day, pesky weather or sickness...I was out the door, putting one foot in front of the other. 

Many moons later, I've decided that maintaining that kind of regimen in my life makes me a better person all around.  I can more easily contend with the needs of my family, cope with anxiety as it rears its' head over issues with growing my small business and in general, have more self confidence as I go about my place in the world.

So, yesterday, I opened up my computer, clicked on my calendar and started to slice each day into hour increments.  Color-coded, organized happiness was the aftermath.  And, I must say it felt good to see my life laid out in a structure that will hopefully afford me freedom from feeling guilty all the time about not getting it all done.

Time for running, writing, managing my business, volunteering, folding laundry, grocery shopping, chauffeuring and some sleeping.

It was supposed to start this morning with a 4:30am wake-up call.  Upon hearing the beeping of my phone, I rolled over, hacked up a lung and thought...fuck!  I still have this god foresaken chest cold...I can't run.  It felt deflating, defeating and like a set back to the perfect plan.

Until this song came on...

And I realized that life is full of set backs.  It's the nature of the beast.  We get sick.  Our kids get sick.  An unexpected project comes up at work.  A parent needs us.  A spouse can't partner fully this day or that week.  When that happens, the task is to gut check and see how badly that you want something.  Because if you really, really...really...want it, you'll find a way.  You'll evolve your plan.  You'll modify your day.  You'll revise the previous and you'll make it work.  You'll rise up from the valley.  You'll emerge from the depth and you'll choose that which brings you life and makes your heart sing.

In the end, you'll fight for it.  And you'll be better for doing so.

Living Your Life

Holy Cats...what happened?

I looked up at the calendar and it said January 12, 2015...

Which means it's almost the middle of the first month of the new year and damn it...wasn't it just Christmas?

The end of last year brought a whirl wind of to-do's at home and the ending of one career era with an involuntary pause to make some decisions about where to head next.

Thankfully, many hot cups of java and some healthy travel later, I landed in a good spot.

Meet my mantra for the new year...



Sounds simple, right?  Maybe for you, but definitely not for me.

The idea of owning me...all of me...the good, the bad, the beautiful, the neurotic, the beat of my own drum, well, it's been a struggle.  And so, while the 2014 mantra "Fuck Fear" allowed me to move mountains that I had no idea I could lift, I'm praying that this year will allow me to greet the universe and you (when we bump into each other) with a smile and a heart that says, here I am, all of me, in all of my glory and that's a good thing.

Most of you know, but in case we haven't connected, I was accepted as a merchandiser with chloe + isabel...a phenomenal jewelry company based out of New York City.  My not-so shameless plug for the beautiful and fun sparklies is to run (especially if it's cold where you are) to www.chloeandisabel.com/boutique/kellygering and treat yourself to something like these...my new favorite earrings (Pearl + Crystal Floral Filigree earrings)...And to "pop-up" with me sometime soon to share these stunning Anthropologyish pieces with your friends over wine and crazy, fun banter.

Secondly, I had to get serious about my fitness again.

2014 was a really great running year for me.  A marathon, half marathon, and 78-mile relay were exactly what I needed...but I had to ask myself, do I ever want to do it again and in the end, I decided, I absolutely do and I want to do it faster.  So, I registered for a spring marathon and set out on my first long run of the winter training season this past weekend.  And, thankfully, wind aside, it wasn't as brutal as I expected it to be.  Eight miles was doable and felt decent against the cold.  So, I'm back to lacing up my shoes, checking the miles off the calendar and having on-going conversations with myself about how I can and will do this...and, in the end, I'll be better for it.

My ears and mind have been full of more and better podcast programming than ever before.  I discovered Death, Sex & Money ...a WNYC production about "the big questions and hard choices that are often left out of polite conversation."  And now, I officially have a girl crush on the host Anna Sale...her voice is mesmerizing, her guests are so fucking real and the stories are inspirational.

And of course, I'm dying for the next season of Serial , a spin-off WBEZ Chicago production of This American Life because Sarah Koenig is a fucking rock star and she made doing the laundry on Thursdays a fabulous day to look forward to.


There's so much to look forward to in this new year and new space...2015 is the year I turn 40, the year I dedicate to owning, loving and sharing all of me with the world...I think it's about time.  Here goes everything...

Watch Me

Last week, I lost my job.

Not the one as wife or mother or friend or daughter or sister or neighbor or community member...

No, the job that paid me both money and a connection to amazing women.

When my second child, Kate was born, my husband and I made a decision that I would try staying at home.  A one-year "give-it-a-go" has turned into seven and a half of crazy blessings in the making.  Two months into our decision, I had an opportunity to join a direct sales company and sell jewelry.  It got me out of the house a few nights a month, put a little jingle in my pocket, earned me some trips and gave me time without my children to engage with other women over wine and sparkles.  I loved every minute of it.

And then, we got notice that our company was closing in 30 days.

It was a shock.

And since that time, I've been praying and researching.  Looking for the next step.

I have some constraints.  My youngest daughter, Claire still has a year and half before she starts kindergarten and I'm resolute that I'll be home with her until she goes.

Mostly, I've been praying for a gentle nudge...no really, more of a swift kick in the pants as to which direction I should go.  The problem is that often I have a hard time choosing my path unless a million and one family members and friends point me toward that fork in the road.

It's the part of me that I wish I could change.  The insecure component that wants to choose the route that the majority of people are vying for.  I guess...the path of least resistance.  And sometimes in life, that's for the best.  It makes sense to take the main stream approach recognizing that it's a short-term decision made in the interim for the benefit of the situation at hand.

But in spite of that, I've been praying that God would gift me with a deep, passionate desire to move in a specific direction that wouldn't be the easiest, most convenient or popular compelling me to move forward regardless of what the world thinks.

So when I found this quote, I latched on...

For the first time in a long time, I want to find something, even if its temporary, that works for me even if the world thinks its ridiculous.

I'm dabbling with the idea of pole dancer, circus performer, avante garde Swedish meatball maker, who knows...the possibilities are endless.

Wherever I land, I know it will be good.  And in a way, I'm very glad that I'm starting a new year on the precipice of change.  It makes it all the more exciting.

Here's to jumping...even if everyone thinks I'm crazy.

2012...Thank You

Not every year is a banner one.

They can't all be, right? 

But this year was for me.

If I could place myself in a movie, I would be that girl who came out of her shell....who morphed from the caterpillar into the butterfly...and soared to find her true self...you know, the one that had been hidden for sometime.

After deciding by sheer will that 2012 would be the "Year of Kelly," I found running or, it found me.  Either way, the love and discipline of putting one foot in front of the other saw me through three half marathons, one Hellacious trail run, a 5K mini race, countless early morning short runs, and many, many long Saturday morning training jaunts.

Running helped me to regain my self confidence, to garner time dedicated to breathing in and out and taught me to let go of my past transgressions and simply to trust.

Undoubtedly, I was transformed.

And so, I sit staring down a new year...2013....and it feels a bit ostentatious and entitlement-driven to dub this next year, my year again...but why not?  Shouldn't every day of our lives be for the living?  Shouldn't we yearn to soak it all in and to not be afraid of what lies waiting around the corner?

So, here's my proposed 2013 bucket list.

•  5 Half Marathons
• Cheering the hell out of my good friend while she kills it in her first FULL Iron Man race
• Yoga and lots of it
• Writing....more of it and more unabashed accounts of what lies inside of me
• Swimming, Dancing, Singing, and in general Enjoying the hell out of my Family
• Dreaming...clinging to the hope that one day I will find myself in Tuscany
• Thanking God daily for my blessings

And so, here we go.  Here's to you and me doing this New Year together.  Let's make it our year to soar ferociously and fearlessly...I can already feel it...it's going to be good.

Hello 2012

I feel sort of "bah humbugish,"...but, some years I'm ready for Christmas to be done.

I guess it's more than Christmas, I'm ready for the new year.  I'm primed for rejuvenation, promise, and momentum.

2011 was a challenging year financially, physically, and emotionally for multiple reasons.  I think some years are like that.  It's important to sacrifice, to endure, to feel the pinch and to be stretched.  You need to know what you're capable of and to that end, I am grateful for the ways I grew particularly, when I didn't welcome it.

But for some reason, I have such hope for this new space that 2012 will bring.  I hold anticipation for a stronger me...a space that includes running, writing, coffee drinking, time spent with my husband, my girlfriends, and travel.

So down goes the tree, off come the ornaments, fireplace stockings are being traded for smart wool socks and outdoor running, the new calendar is going up with a training plan, and my first purchase of the year will be a Garmin to track my mileage, my pace, and my calories burned. 

Hello 2012...let's be good to each other.