Exhaustion and Gratitude

'Tis the season...

For all of it, baking pies, decorating cookies, carving turkeys, gathering around tables, breaks from the office or the classroom, travel, families, late nights, bottles of wine, mugs of hot cocoa, screaming, laughing, remembering, waiting for your family member to remind you of that one time that you did that one thing that you wished had just never happened...it's the holidays.

This weird amalgamation of the almost passed over Thanksgiving, Chanuakah, Christmas tree/lights, New Years parties, resolutions and then boom...your ultimate dedication to turn a new leaf and make 2016 your absolute best year ever...just as soon as you get the God damn tree down to the curb along with the fucking Lego boxes that these ungrateful ingrates have left all over the house and your in-laws hit the road and the office lets you have a real vacation without 2,500 emails from John who apparently could give two shits about family time and goes in to "catch-up" over the weekend.

And today, for me, was the start of the madness.  The day before Thanksgiving.

Like a dip shit, I went to Trader Joes along with a bazillion of my closest friends and my three children.  I've frequently lamented how my kids whip around the aisles with those miniature red carts and make minced meat out of the innocent shoppers who are simply trying to make a discerning purchase.  With the volume of traffic today, it left very little room to go crazy.  Instead, the last minute shoppers made stink eyes at my littles and mentally told them to fuck off while they pilfered the shelves searching for organic pumpkin puree.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I thought, before the pies, wouldn't it be fun to let the kids take their hand at making chocolate chip cookies from scratch.  And then the measuring cup filled to the brim with brown sugar got thrown into the Kitchen Aid standing mixer and little bits of chocolate sugar cane affixed themselves to every crevice of my kitchen and the inside of my jeans and bra.

I screamed.  I doled out mean words.  And then, like usual, I felt guilty.  Son of a bitch!  Why can't I just let everything go to Hell in a hand basket and be okay with it?  They're only little for a short time.

Every year, I vow to do better...to spend time being grateful in the moment instead of distracted by the to-do's and the continual being behind the eight ball in the eleventh hour of everything in my life.

And so today, I focus on the serenity prayer and this quote by Marianne Williamson, whom I love...

"The only way to gain power in a world that is moving too fast is to learn to slow down.  And the only way to spread one's influence wide is to learn to go deep.  The world we want for ourselves and for our children will not emerge from electronic speed but rather from the spiritual stillness that takes root in our souls. Then and only then, will we create a world that reflects the heart instead of shattering it."

'Tis the season to make yourself and the world the way that you want to be focused only on harboring the blessings and not the minutia of the to-do's.  No one will remember everything you didn't do...they'll only remember that you showed up, imperfect and real.  

Happy First Fantabulous Day of Spring

It's Friday and forecast to be 70 and the first full fledged day of spring!

Sweet Mary, Joseph and St. Jude...I'm bouncing, I'm pinging, I'm dancing, I'm filling my kitchen, my table, my bathroom, my space with these...and so much joy in my soul.

I've always believed that your heart sings the loudest in the season that you were born and well, I'm 46 days away from my 40th birthday and from experiencing the fullness and the sweetness that comes from entering a new decade and a new station of my beautiful life.

As such, I've been immersing myself in a couple of programs that are making me smile, helping me to dive into the deepest desires of my heart and surrounding me with incredible, inspiring, glorious girlfriends.  More on that in another post.

The other night, while on a call with all of them, this quote emerged.  I had forgotten it and now that I've found it, I'm adopting IT as my mantra for the year that I'm calling my year of wild abandon skinny dipping in the waters of freedom...check it out...

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” marianne williamson

Goose bumps as I type the words.  Excitement for what comes next.  I really, truly can hardly stand it.  Much like the buds that are emerging from the earth, the green that is poking through, heading up toward the sunshine and the blue skies...I can feel it.  I can feel me returning, ascending, but anew.

Here's to lots of walks in the park.  Here's to running, particularly to the big race before my 40th.  Here's to yummy wine and sushi.  Here's to hot baths and tea.  Here's to good friends and soul sisters.  Here's to filling me with love, acceptance, hope and the belief that liberated from my own fear, the sky is the limit.

Happy Spring!