Ode to 22 Years of Marriage

 April 17, 2026

My Dearest Ray,

Happy Twenty Two Years of Marriage!

Let me begin by saying I'm sorry that this ode is a belated one--but maybe, apropos given our life station.

How do I begin to share a snapshot of where we find ourselves 22-years into our union--to begin, our 21-year old son is in Malaga, Spain on holiday from his study abroad semester in Copenhagen.  Our 18-year old daughter is finalizing her first year of college having completed multiple theater productions and our 15-year old daughter just got her Learner's Permit and is saving to do a service trip to the Dominican Republic. Meanwhile, you have never been busier with clients and I am still a divorce mediator teaching at Creighton.  

And somehow, we still find each other--in multiple daily written and voice to audio texts, on long walks through Elmwood Park, at the espresso machine groggy in the kitchen, coming and going while exchanging logistical updates and kisses at the front door, and in countless shared articles, podcast interviews, and memes remarking on the dismissal state of U.S. leadership or lack thereof and inspiring messaging from the Pope, bravery of the Artemis astronauts, and  goodness of people we know.

We have curated a really beautiful life that I am deeply grateful for.  

To be honest, I can hardly believe that in a few short years, I will have spent more of my life with you than without you.  And in that time, you have taught me so much about what it means not only to be a good partner, friend, and co-parent, but also, a really great human being.

And when I reflect, I'm mindful of three primary ways you model unconditional love for me.  First, you are fully the fuck in it.  You listen to my fears, my crazy writing/speaking dreams, my insecurities, my over the board, 'what if's?' and you greet them usually with a big bear hug, an offer to make my favorite coffee/tea drink, a hunkering down in the seat next me, and full eye contact as I go on and on likely about something you've heard many times before.  Then, you wait until I'm done and ask what I'd like in the moment--most of the time I say--to know that it will be okay--and you calmly say--look at our life and all of the ways that it has all been more than okay.

Second up, you have boundless energy for our family.  Whatever we need or want to explore--you make it happen--including a magical dream trip this spring to Europe to see our son in Copenhagen, a Michelin star dinner because it was his dream, a trip to London's West End and tour of the Globe because it was the girls' dream, and endless trips to patisseries, cafes, and the hunt for the perfect scarf because it was my dream. You always remind us that life is for the living and that we should do the thing that our heart is yearning for and that often, the first step is just putting one foot in front of the other--making the telephone call, sending the email, creating a game plan, trusting that we can course correct when needed and that it's more about the trying imperfectly than the landing.  And to that end, you have more optimism and consistency than anyone I've known; and I'm thankful that you frequently let me borrow it when I'm scared to jump into the unknown.

Finally, you are not interested in what the world says is or is not possible or what the latest fad is--you are grounded in yourself, your values, and your deep commitment to your faith and your family--and because of that I always (and I know the kids feel the same) am your priority and I never have to prove my worthiness.  You love me for me and encourage me to be more and more of me with each passing year--and this kind of love frees me and us to grow and change in the world and to greet each other at the beginning and end of our day's journey.

As we enter into this twenty-third year, may we embark upon fun and adventure together believing that as the kids graduate from college and head into the world for their own adventures, we have cultivated a durable, sustainable, beautiful love that keeps us grounded in our commitment so that we can pursue our individual dreams. May we find ourselves on many walks, drinking delicious espresso drinks, discussing incredible movies/books/interviews, sharing countless motivational family group chats, exploring new spaces, ranting over political ridiculousness, praying for peace, serving our community, and remembering that this life we've built is a good one.

What a gift you are to me.   

All my Love,

Kelly

Ode to Sam on Your 16th Birthday

February 8, 2021

My Dearest Sam,

Happy, Happy, Happy 16th Birthday!  

How is it possible that you are officially Sweet 16??!!

What a crazy year we've had...moments after your 15th birthday, the entire world entered involuntarily into a global pandemic.  We had no idea that schools would shut down, dad would work from home for almost a year, we'd wear masks everywhere we went, we'd become experts at social distancing, Covid testing sites would spring up, a shortage of toilet paper and disinfectant wipes would be a thing, and every social event you came to love would be put on hold.

But in the midst of your 15th year, some really remarkable blessings emerged.  You began your sophomore year at Creighton Prep.  By the grace of God, you continued running Cross Country, and we got to cheer on the sidelines.
 

You completed your Eagle Scout project after nine years of being in the program.  The YouTube video below is an amazing story of what you created in the community gardens of Holy Family parish--alongside Dad and Bompa--who were so proud to help you.

You received your Learner's Permit and officially took to the streets with Dad as your fearless coach.

You decided to teach yourself how to play the guitar and suddenly, we heard lots of Pink Floyd in our home.

You hiked up ginormous mountains, rode bikes, ate heaps of ice cream, played board games and made beautiful memories in Estes, Colorado with our family.

You took really hard honors and AP courses and learned about the value of earning your stripes inch by inch, especially when most of it was done via Zoom.

You were a really good big brother to Kate and helped her through advanced math at Prep, while going toe to toe with her in other ways--showing her that strength comes from trying and a willingness to keep showing up.

And found lots of ways to laugh and encourage Claire-showing her that there is still joy in life, even in the midst of a pandemic.

Through all of it, even though regular hang-outs with friends were canceled, Movie Club, Quiz Bowl, Chess Club, going to the theater, and being with your buddies was nearly eliminated--you made the most of it.  And during our nightly dinners, you shared that your Rose of this experience has been getting to know your favorite people even more.  And that you're grateful we're on your team.

********

As you embark upon this new year, there is so much goodness on the horizon.  Soon, you'll be creating a lawn mowing business with a buddy, studying for the ACT, exploring colleges, driving Kate to Duchesne and Claire to Saint Margaret Mary and making trips to Dragon's Lair, HyVee and Prep.

And, I'll keep texting you-my daily-"I love you so muches and I'm so, so proud of you."

And, as we now see the official half way point of high school, I'll try not to cry when I think about the little time I have left with you at home.  And instead, I'll treasure our runs together through Elmwood Park and the moments that you encourage me in my Conflict Resolution business and the chances you trust me enough to read through your English essays and the moments we get to talk about good literature like 1984 and The Screwtape Letters and the times you let me give you a hug longer than you'd prefer just because you know I need it and the morning blessing, "May God bless your mind so you can learn...your ears to be a good listener...your lips to speak kind words...and your heart to feel love" (the same one since Kindergarten).  

And I'll continue to marvel at the great gift you are and keep standing on the sidelines cheering you on.

I could not love you more.

All my love always,

Mama