Please, Please Stop Whining

I forgot about this phase.

I should have recorded it with the two older children, so that it wouldn't have caught me so off guard and in the end, been such a pisser.

My soon-to-be two-year old daughter is going to be the death of me, literally.

She's teething, has some form of a cold or allergies, and is refusing to sleep through the night in her bed.

She's learned to throw temper tantrums and instead of shouting "no" in disapproval, her signature retort is "MO!" which means no in Claire speak.

She is beyond exhausting.  She's consuming so much energy and mental mojo that my husband and I are ready to hop the next plane to anywhere.

"It's just a season."

"This too shall pass."

"Try to enjoy it.  Soon, they'll be grown and gone."

All of this is great advice, but offers little to no comfort when you're thick in the trenches. 

The only thing that provides refuge is her crib.  She hasn't yet figured out how to crawl out...and a sound machine which somewhat drowns out the incessant whining...and a glass of fill in the blank which sometimes numbs the constant irritation.

I feel horrible documenting these feelings, but it is what it is...the joys of parenting a toddler.

I'm sure I'll miss it, but definitely not today.

Son of a #$%*&!

Shoes...check.

Heart rate monitor/Garmin...check.

Hat, gloves...check.

iPod...check.

Motivation...semi-check.

I had most everything I needed for a decent run this morning.  I wasn't going to kill myself.  I just wanted to do 3 miles and be home in a half an hour.  Seemed doable.  Until, my feet hit the pavement and a mile into it, I got really angry.

Why in the hell is this so hard for me?  I have a goal in mind with a plan.  I have a ton of family/friend support.  The weather is breathtaking for a January morning.  I live near lots of great places to gander at while running.  What is wrong with me?

Half-way into my moping, I realized that for the most part, my life is a series of hurry up and waits.  No lie.  Parenting little ones is an extreme lesson in letting go otherwise, you will literally go stir-crazy if you think that anything is on your time table.  So, when it comes to running, I don't know what to do with myself.  Do I start slow?  Do I get cooking out of the gate?  Do I pace myself or go balls to the wall until I pass out?  And more than anything...how do I release and try to just endure?  Because running, at least long distances, is not a hurry up and wait game.  It's a fluid, flowing, get comfy, because we're gonna be here a while deal.

I know exactly why I was intended to run this race.  I've got lots to learn about myself, much of which I have yet to comprehend.  I'm grateful for the pain even though it sucks in the interim.

"I assess the power of a will by how much resistance, pain, torture it endures and knows how to turn to its advantage. " Friedrich Nietzsche