I Lived

It was really cold this weekend...really cold.

The kind of cold that has you curled up in fleece and flannel drinking copious amounts of peppermint tea praying that you have enough milk in the fridge because you can't bear to go out into the wind.

But finally, on Sunday morning, I grabbed my boots, headphones, a shovel and headed out to do my part.

And while my fingers were frozen and I was cursing the polar vortex above us, this song came on Pandora...

I don't know why I hadn't heard it before.  But it hit me.

A few of the lyrics in particular.

Hope that you spend your days
But they all add up
And when the sun goes down
Hope you raise your cup

I wish that I could witness
All your joy and all your pain
But until my moment comes
I'll say...

[Chorus]
I, I did it all
I, I did it all
I owned every second
That this world could give
I saw so many places
The things that I did
Yeah, with every broken bone
I swear I lived

And in that moment, I realized, that there's so many things, so many experiences, so many parts of their lives that I won't get to witness.

If I'm lucky, I'll get to see my children fall in love, maybe find a partner to share this crazy life with, have children of their own, start their own businesses, travel to far off lands...who knows? 

But they will live (God willing) for so many more moons beyond the time that I'm here.

And so, more than anything, I want them to jump at every experience, to show up even when they're unsure, to get back up again when it didn't work out, to embrace the hard stuff, to leave it all out on the field and to know that in my brief moments here that I tried my best to do the same.

All of it really is such a gift.  So, why not live it broken bones and all?

I don't know how much time had passed while I'd gathered all of these thoughts.  I just know that the drive, the walkways, the patio and the car were all cleared when I looked up at the sun and thought, my back hurts.  But it's done. 

And then it was on to hot cocoa, whipped cream, Scrabble and living the life I've been given for that day with the people I love.