Call Me Bad Ass

"I can't do this."

I remember saying to my father when I got my first real-paying corporate job with medical benefits, an office, and a salary that made me look forward to getting a paycheck.

And he promptly said...

"Of course you can.  Buy the suit.  Learn your role.  Don't forget where you come from.  Be good to people.  And leave the place better than when you arrived."

I felt that same sinking feeling of doubt when I received my acceptance letter into graduate school, when I became a wife, a mother three times over, and made plans to run my first half marathon race.  I can't do this.  I've never seen myself here before.  How can it possibly be?

And that's the key.  It's impossible to know what it's going to feel like to "do" something or to accomplish it until you visualize yourself kicking ass and taking names at the office, cradling your crying baby, walking down the aisle to say 'I do', and ultimately, crossing the finish line with a race number plastered across your chest.

You've heard it a million times...visualization is key...fake it until you make it...play the part until one day you become it.  While these sayings may seem clicheish, they are sage advice.

If you run, you are a runner.  If you sing, you are a singer.  If you create, you are an artist.  If God blessed you with a child, you are a parent.  And whatever resides in your head is only moments of hard work away from being actualized in the physical world...if you want it badly enough.

And so I've been stuck.  I want to transform my body, improve my ability to run, and ultimately, redefine my threshold for physical fitness.  The problem is that I've been doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results...frustrated as all get out when the scale spits out the same number, unable to tackle bigger hills, struggling to build greater endurance.  I just can't see myself doing it.

I mean really...people who run marathons, who race in Iron Man competitions, who dedicate countless hours to biking, swimming, running....who are these people?  They don't look like me.

Or do they?  And maybe the better question is why do I think they don't look like me?  Why don't I will it into existence?

I've never been a huge fan of affirmations.  But lately, that's all that's been getting me through this rut...this valley...this shit storm of doubt.  So, here are a few I use regularly:

"You're a fucking bad ass."

"You're more powerful than you can imagine."

"Heart, Strength, Will"

And my all-time favorite and go-to, "Come on....fucking bitch...you can do this."

I feel God and the universe telling me that I need to push myself farther, deeper, harder.  I have to visualize myself as a marathoner and one day an Iron (Wo)Man...and it will be, because I choose it.

What do you choose?