Gridlock at the %@(+! DMV

"I wouldn't go in if I were you...it's a minimum hour wait...and the line's wrapped out the door," said the man who walked back to his car with his son.

Are you kidding me?

Like a dip shit, I waited until the last day of the month at 11:30am to renew my license plate tags.  I know, I deserved to be standing in line, over the lunch hour, holding my 22-month old toddler listening to the biggest degenerate I've laid eyes on in I can't remember.

Yep...I should have gone first thing in the morning.  I should have gone in the middle of the month.  I should have renewed the tags online.  And I sure as shit, should not have brought my toddler.

But just as I started to grin and bear it, I hear, "No ma...I called my parole officer...I went to the AA meeting...I don't think so....I'm supposed to meet this chick later....I don't give a shit about tickets....I get em all the time...there only like 16 bucks...I don't know if I'm supposed to keep filling out applications if I already have a job....no, I'm stuck in line, the second time, because I forgot something in my car...I love you too."

It was some sort of Lifetime movie gone bad.  And then while saying prayers of gratitude to God for my sweet Claire who was quietly singing "Row, Row, Row Your Boat," with me....this crazy dude behind me starts asking me all of these questions.

"Uh oh...looks like your baby's gotta runny nose." (him)

"Uh, thanks." (me)

"She looks tired.  Does she usually nap in the afternoons?" (him)

"Sometimes." (me)

"So you don't work?" (him)

I start singing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" while desperately trying not to scream.

"I mean outside of the house, of course." (him)

"Down came the rain and washed the..." (me)

"Do you miss adult conversation?  My mom was a first grade teacher and said it can be hard." (him)

Kill me...(me)

Next in line...

And just like that...I earned a spot in Heaven.

What a fucking day.