This morning while making breakfast, my four-year old daughter proclaimed that she wanted to be a spy when she grew up. Shortly prior to this conversation, we learned that our six-year old son aspires to be both a paleontologist as well as a deejay. My husband and I thought it would be pretty cool if he opened with the line, "Sam in the house...can you dig it?" Their sweet proclamations for the future made me wonder, "What do I want to be when I grow up?"
I always thought it was such a farce that colleges required students to "major" in specific studies...or that financial planners strongly encouraged couples to create a "five-year" plan. The truth is,,,who the hell knows? The reality is that while we want definitive(s) in our life, most every day we live in the gray. And, the more we become comfortable trying not to control the present day circumstances, the better.
As I reflect, any really great gift in my life has come because I've been open to the possibility of it. For years, I lamented whether I would ever get married. As it turns out, the man of my dreams was under my nose the whole time. He just happened to live over 1700 miles away. Upon completion of my graduate degree, my career was finally underway, Moments later, I discovered that I was pregnant. Wondering how I would juggle my job with my babies, I made a decision not to. A hard decision not to. Now looking back, the truth is that my children saved me from me. They helped an OCD, high maintenance, crazy lady focus on a leaf and laugh at herself.
So when I think about what I want to be when I grow up, I'm mindful, now more than ever...that this life is a series of seasons, a journey of stages, not a point of arrival. Of which, I'm so thankful for...because as much as I fancy myself a planner, I'm just not. And as much as I want to major in something and dawn a business card again and fit back into my business suits...right now, I'm more comfy in my worn out yoga pants, my graying hair and my old Honda.
However, if you have an idea of what I should be once the kids get into school...I'm all ears.
You should be exactly who you are - no more (because then you are just faking it) and no less (because you and those who love you deserve it). ;-)
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely agreed, Teddi!
ReplyDeleteI can relate so well to all that you wrote. Last year I spent six months praying to God to give me insight to His will for me: another way of asking, "What do I want to be? No answer until finally this little voice calmly said, "Do exactly what YOU want to do". Man! What a conumdrum! It was freeing in a way, yet terrifying in the sense that I have to figure it out myself. It would've been easier to be given a directive, such as, "Be a nurse". It's all a long unfolding of a process: a journey, for me, at least. I had to change the question from "what career should I aspire to", to "what do I want to spend my time doing?" I know now what I want to "do"... now it's just a matter of, "how can I do that and what choices, adjustments and sacrifices do I need to make in order for it to work?" xoxox
ReplyDeleteHi Megan!
ReplyDeleteIt's so great to hear from you!
I am thrilled that you're listening to that quiet voice inside of you telling you to do and be exactly what you want to be. It's the voices of "should" "don't" "not" that we need to block out. No one said that it would be an easy road, but it will be the authentic one and you are worth it.
Love to you, Kelly